Please I need your help and advice

[Dontknow88]

To make a long story short I have a infant son with someone I though was the love of my life, left me at the end of my pregnanty, financially there, but mentally not and making more horrible decisions. He's basically flipped a switch and doing the total opposite, like a new person.

He lives about 8 hours away  (by driving) and in a different country, and thinks I'll let our son spend weekends and live with him part time. As you may know I totally don't want that, I want stability for my son. I have no problem with him visiting but I refuse to send him (my son) over. (His dad told me that he will visit but wants him alone) I don't trust him. He knows nothing about babies.

His dad isn't doing all he can to be stable. After a huge breakdown (broke up with me during) he went back on meds but not seeing a PDoc (agents the PDoc wishes) only on the meds and not even taking it as directed.

After being on this site i now know that I made a huge mistake putting him on the birth certificate.


I don't know what to do.

Please don't shoot me down, I would like for my son to know his dad (if he comes to visit) but right now him being unstable I refuse to let him get my son alone.

I need some advice.

[momtara]

Hi - Don't worry! There are lots of people who have been in your situation. You will get good advice here. I'd like to give you a lot of ideas, but it's almost 4 AM and I need some shuteye - but I want you to be able to take a breath. I've been where you are and it IS scary.

First off, what kind of legal action have you taken or been involved in with your ex, if any?

Are you worried that he will run off with your son or try to keep him, or hurt him, or just that he won't take good care of him?

Sometimes you can set some kind of strong boundaries with a motion in court (pendente lite, ex parte whatever it is in your state) but you do need a reason. Courts like to have a custody plan in place, at least a temporary one (although those often become close to permanent). BUT of course, you do take a risk starting a legal fight. Right now, if you have no plan, you can try to hold on to your son and keep your ex from taking him... .but (I think; I'm not a lawyer) theoretically, he can pick him up from day care or whatever too. If you think you can set strong boundaries without court for a while, maybe you can do that.

So what are your fears, and ultimately what kind of plan would you like to have?

If your instinct tells you not to let your son go with him, maybe you can tell him that you want to wait until he's a little bit older, or until both of you come up with a plan, or something else... .stall a bit and don't make promises. There are others here w/more experience who can chime in more.