Is pornography common among pwBPD?

[LostHer]

I've been to this website off and on over the past few years.  It's been a great resource to help me cope and understand why my D22 may behave the way she does. 

D22 does not have an official BPD diagnosis (that we are aware of), but she has been in treatment, sometimes with meds, for severe anxiety.  She exhibits many of the traits of BPD including splitting, self harming (cutting), impulse buying, reckless driving, a series of unstable and broken relationships with family and friends and TONS of lying going back to her teen years.

DH and I recently learned that D22 is making ends meet as a "cam model." We are on tentative terms with her, and didn't press for too much info. We didn't want to risk her splitting us black again.

We are concerned that her "work" is not limited to just being in web streams, based on how much money she claims to be making.  We are afraid that, if she hasn't already, she may start stripping or prostituting. We know she smokes pot regularly, and we're also concerned that she will start using heavier drugs.  It seems to us that she is setting herself up for a hard downward spiral.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of issue? Did your daughter walk away safely, or did things get worse before they got better?

I've been dwelling on this for days, and just can't believe she's the same sweet little girl I use to know.  I feel disappointed, sad, angry, and hopeless, but mostly I think I'm starting to truly mourn for the life she could have and the daughter I thought I was raising.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[need a break]

Hi,
I have been down this road with my D being hyper sexual when she is in a manic phase. I understand your feelings of sadness, grief and mourning your daughter.
I have been on the same journey for about 8 years. When they are mentally ill as adults its a whole new issue.
My D and I do not have any kind of relationship. as I no longer call walk on egg shells with her. I call her out on her crap, so she wants nothing to do with me.
I'm sorry for all that you are going through and wish you peace.
 

[riversea]

We have experienced the same thing.  Our daughter this month started searching for very expensive apartments(we have a tracker on her computer) and suddenly I see that she is recruiting a friend to hook up with a man she met on a sugar daddy website who wanted a threesome.  Our D has been sexually promiscuous since grade school(sadly, that's true) and now she sees the earning potential for one night of what she enjoys doing.  We were literally nauseous when we read her emails and saw what she was up to.  What is even sadder is that she learned about this from a significant number of her college girlfriends who are doing the same thing.  We have come to terms with the fact that there is nothing we can do to prevent our daughter from engaging in this behavior.  It is part of the letting go for us.  In the past, my husband and I would just cry over the situation but we can't stop our D and that is that. The one thing I might do is discuss with your daughter the tenets of safe sex even though she will dismiss you with words, she may hear the message.  We have spent thousands of dollars on medical treatments for the STDs that my D has gotten and now we have told her that we will no longer support the results of her high-risk choices.

I feel for you and will hope that things are not as dire as you suspect.

[Rockieplace]

Hi. I can relate to your fears. We had suspicions about our BPDd33 when she was at uni some years ago in this respect. This was long before we knew about BPD or her diagnosis, which only happened a year ago. The problem is that we were always shocked by her poorly thought through opinions and bad judgement calls which lead her into very bad behaviour and awful situations. Now it becomes, at least, a little more explicable.  The lack of control we have over them as 'adults' has been the most difficult hurdle we, as parents, have had to deal with.  Big hugs to you.   

[LostHer]

Thank you, everyone for your supportive comments.  It's sad that DH and I am not alone with this situation, but comforting to know that others can relate to and empathize with our struggles.

What really worries me is the bravado and pride with which D22 speaks about her webcam work and pot use. Additionally, D22 usually speaks in half-truths. By that, I mean if she's openly talking about cam modeling, then she's probably doing more than just camera work. If she claims to smoke pot daily, she's probably doing harder stuff she keeps hidden.

I thought I had already mourned our relationship.  DH and I suspected she would try stripping or something of the like, but getting the confirmation hit harder than I expected. We handled the news well in the moment, but we've both been dealing with a range of emotions this past week. 

She seemed almost manic when she told us about it. I don't think this is going to be a short-lived experimentation with the sex industry. I think this is a gateway to a pornography career. She has quit her regular job, she wears the full porn makeup everywhere, and she and her bf are moving to a larger apartment just so she has a separate bedroom for her "work."

She has/had the potential to be so much more.

[Gorges]

Any chance that you can set boundaries with certain topics being "off limits".  For example, my daughter liked to brag about her pot use and I think it was to bug me and get me worked up.  You could just say you would talk about it with her if she is finding a way to change or you could find someone to help her change but otherwise don't talk about that topic?