Depressed

[need a break]

I have not posted in a while. I have been just numb and trying to get through the day. I am having dreams that my D is well, that I have GC, that things are good.
Then I wake up and after a few seconds realize I am and have been living this nightmare for a very long time.
It is just in the past 6-9 months (after 15 years) that I have stopped enabling, stopped allowing her to treat me badly, stopped all of the roller coaster ride that comes with having a D with BPD.

Since then she has painted me black only to contact me when she needs something.  My D is gone and I have no idea who this person is.
I have been through the Family Connections courses. I am in therapy. I am on anti depressants.

She is living with her dad now but will be kicked out soon as he is moving and does not want her to live with him any longer.

She will be out in the streets -  I have offered to help her find RTC but she is an adult and wants nothing to do with me.

To me this is hopeless and feels like purgatory  every day of my life. I cant wait until the days end so I can sleep and dream and have a few moments of joy.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mggt]

Dear need a break,  So sorry to hear this I know how badly it hurts.  I am in nc with my d and gc and it is killing me slowly so I know how hard it is my only advice is one moment at a time , try and keep busy and know you did everything to help her keep going to therapy (if you are) and remember you did all that you could Take care