Limits and fear of making things worse

[Parents! Get help here!]

Adult child with BPD acts in a very disrespectful, selfish and generally outrageous manner. She'd been in many therapeutic programs but is currently not in therapy. Husband and I are frightened of what would happen if we throw her out. She is totally unconcerned about her negative and painful affect on our lives.We love her and want the best for her. She's 26 has just gotten a decent full time job (but not enough to support herself) and says she cannot live alone - or even be alone for any extended period of time. Any suggestions?  Thanks.

[siedbar]

Adult child with BPD acts in a very disrespectful, selfish and generally outrageous manner. She'd been in many therapeutic programs but is currently not in therapy. Husband and I are frightened of what would happen if we throw her out. She is totally unconcerned about her negative and painful affect on our lives.We love her and want the best for her. She's 26 has just gotten a decent full time job (but not enough to support herself) and says she cannot live alone - or even be alone for any extended period of time. Any suggestions?  Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi siedbar,

When you say you are frightened of what would happen, do you mean that she might harm you?

I notice with my SO's D19 that if there is any confirmation whatsoever that she cannot take care of herself, things get worse. She has so much anxiety and fear about taking care of herself, and acts so needy and immature it seems she wants confirmation while at the same time getting angry if people don't acknowledge she is an adult. It can be very head spinning.

Could it be that your D26 is in a similar double bind?

What kind of therapy has she done? There is often no support for families, it seems. Have you found there are any communication skills that work with her?