Chronic physical pain

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For the past 2+years, my uBPDh has had pain in his mid back and abdomen region. It became more pronounced about 6 months ago with an episode of diverticulitis which led to the discovery of gallstones. His pain is increasing, and he has seen the doctor several times about it. They haven't found anything that would indicate the level of pain he is experiencing (self-reporting).

Also, in the past year or so, he has been unable to 'self-medicate' his emotional state by engaging in the behaviors that are problematic: overspending, quitting his job, expressing his anger in inappropriate ways, p*rn, etc. This week, he commented that the stress is making his insides jumbled up in knots. He has other people to whom he is accountable for some of these behaviors and a psychologist that he is seeing regularly. Thankfully, he knows that the narcotic pain meds cannot be taken while driving for his job and they cause other painful side effects.

Since there hasn't been anything that the doctors have found in the medical tests, I've been fairly unreactive to his complaints of pain and anxiety. I will validate his frustration and anxiety and feeling lots of pain, but I don't absorb his anxiety and pain. However, other people who don't have the whole picture express much more concern and tell him what he should do to get attention for it.

I'm more concerned abut how much 'health' he can actually handle if he can't engage in his impulsive behaviors. It's almost like the more healthy I become, the worse he gets. I'm not sure what to do with that.

[empath]

For the past 2+years, my uBPDh has had pain in his mid back and abdomen region. It became more pronounced about 6 months ago with an episode of diverticulitis which led to the discovery of gallstones. His pain is increasing, and he has seen the doctor several times about it. They haven't found anything that would indicate the level of pain he is experiencing (self-reporting).

Also, in the past year or so, he has been unable to 'self-medicate' his emotional state by engaging in the behaviors that are problematic: overspending, quitting his job, expressing his anger in inappropriate ways, p*rn, etc. This week, he commented that the stress is making his insides jumbled up in knots. He has other people to whom he is accountable for some of these behaviors and a psychologist that he is seeing regularly. Thankfully, he knows that the narcotic pain meds cannot be taken while driving for his job and they cause other painful side effects.

Since there hasn't been anything that the doctors have found in the medical tests, I've been fairly unreactive to his complaints of pain and anxiety. I will validate his frustration and anxiety and feeling lots of pain, but I don't absorb his anxiety and pain. However, other people who don't have the whole picture express much more concern and tell him what he should do to get attention for it.

I'm more concerned abut how much 'health' he can actually handle if he can't engage in his impulsive behaviors. It's almost like the more healthy I become, the worse he gets. I'm not sure what to do with that.

[formflier]

I'm not sure what to do with that.

Likely not something for you to worry about.  As in... .his issue to sort out... .not yours.

If he is regularly seeking medical evaluation and treatment... .and complying, then likely not much else you can do with the pain.

As a guy that deals with chronic pain, it is a frustrating experience.  At the moment things are dramatically better for me.  I'm trying to enjoy it.  Tucked away in my head is the knowledge that any day now, it will be back.

Did the gallstones get treated?  Is there a plan for each diagnosis he has?

FF

[empath]

Did the gallstones get treated?  Is there a plan for each diagnosis he has?

The gallstones are no longer a problem, and he seems to be following the plan for the diagnoses that they can figure out. He's also being responsible about his pain medication, so that's also a good thing. His latest solution is to quit his job because sitting and driving is aggravating the pain; although, he has wanted to quit for over a couple of years now but he feels 'like a failure' if he quits because of his employment history.

His relational instability is mainly in his jobs, and he thinks he 'should be' stable. Of course, it doesn't help that other people know the pattern, too.

I'm just trying to be supportive and at the same time keeping good boundaries.