GoingBack2OC
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 228
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« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2016, 06:04:30 PM » |
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Thanks for this post. I know in many ways, like you said you got caught up in, was the cycle of torturing my own self... .by staying in, or hoping for, or wishing that, when in reality, when I step back and take a look at the BIG picture; our relationship had followed a very specific pattern, and the magnitude of each pattern's expressions amplified over time.
Once the first year and half were over, there was a switch. Not so much overnight, but it was abrupt, where I was no longer the "man of her dreams".
From the silent treatment, the lies (wow she could lie), the insane push pull tug of war: break up make up and so on, the manipulation, the wedging, devaluation; It really followed a pattern, with the rhythms simply becoming more dramatic as time went on.
Her final discard; I actually have to give her credit for (although it didn't go as planned and really backfired in her face), but regardless, she had planned for her exit, leaving me dumbfounded in many ways; for a very long time. I mean, it was "Planned", months in the making.
But even still... .we had broken up before. She broke up with me often, more and more, towards the end... .I started to mimic the behavior, probably out of utter frustration, and protection for my own self and ego.
But thank you, for reminding me that as hard as it is; to be in NC, and move on; she is doing it, and I need to remember her final acts burned us both to the ground-- there is no possiblity of repair, and I have no doubt she realizes (I really do believe), how unbelievably disgraceful she acted, and how she dishonored both of us in the process.
I know I'm at bottom now. I know it for sure. But I break NC still, I make it a week, maybe more... .she never responds. She never well. I understand why. Her plan backfiring led to her being shamed in the eyes of her own family and friends; and it was all her doing. She can't face me. Not after what she did... .and how I found out. Im willing to believe she's not living the life she thought she would, post split.
I gotta stay NC and get on with it.
Thanks again.
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