Background, this person has BPD & almost certainly is a narcissist. She & I were friends, we never had physical intimacy but she clearly considered me 'hers' & frequently said I was her BF. However I'm married (I know this sounds like BS), she knew it & only one side would say we were BF/GF, the others were very respectful of my family even though those were her evil sides. She'd say we were Emotionally BF/GF. I'm twice her age, we met at her job (which she got fired from quickly) & she conned. She ran away from home at 16, was a heroin addict, still has major substance abuse issues. I'm leaving out a lot b/c of brevity.
Being a former addict myself, i am very sympathetic to addicts trying to put life together & that's how we got close. 2 months later I got weird vibes (I didn't see her too much then), started looking into things and all was one lie after lie & always is.
1 side of her is really great, one is pure evil, other two are just weird-leaving out intoxication which makes it too crazy. Tried to break things off several but that backfires. She admitted to being insanely jealous of any female near me other than my wife. This week, I tried to force her to get help (she lied to me about DBT therapy 'just to keep me'.
She finally confessed she's extremely Jealous of ME... "You have everything you even take my haters from me & get them to forgive me or leave me alone". Originally haters were her stated problem. She always admitted to jealousy over other women but never of ME. That explained so many of ugly things she did and said.
I forced a confrontation this week which predictably blew up but not how I'd ever imagine
My current problem is this. She creates situations which leave her destitute. Then comes to me, every time I leave. She's doing it now in a big way. But she's saying this last fight was so huge she finally lost all feelings for me UNLESS____.
She's claiming to have found a new emotional soulmate. he exists, but she's done this before & it's usually a quick fling which she admits is done to try to make me jealous (that never works for many reasons, but i want her to be happy & would love for her to find someone else or REALY DESIRED outcome is she gets prof help. But she won't give up drugs or all other things that leave her where she's
.
First problem. I find myself doing these things I've never done & would never do before. While she was very abusive, she always blames me for the entire everything & of course she gets too distraught to work & blah blah. I keep finding myself letting her back so she's not on the street. She'll use sex w/ other men when needed ie current "roommate" thinks he's BF, pay the cell phone bill (she's beyond obsessed with the phone bill). She's told me she's "losing feelings" 100x before, only to say after it was all a ruse. She says it now "but this time it's different, i really lost them UNLESS_______. Point is I know she woon't truly ever be on street as long as she has looks. But she could easily OD, get hurt by somone (she gets beat up by women a good bit), basically accidentally destroy herself
I'm can't take it anymore & clearly need to work on myself. We've had several no contact periods before but I'd give in at some point when she'd attempt suicide or get thrown out on street. My need to ensure she's not back to heroin/has food/medical care is link to the cycle.
Just last Friday she sent a series of emails saying she loved me, I'm hers, she's happy to let my wife have me when I'm not there (I work in another state then i live) & she likes my wife but I'm hers. That's why I went to talk to her & either convince her or tell her I'm outing her.
Three days later after the blowup and ensuing arguments she's lost feelings & doesn't care. I need help dealing w/ my own need to help people & i'm leaving out a lot. I hear that BPD's & narcissists can just lose emotions for someone overnight if they find a new person. Does that seem to be true? I'm positive her roommate is
wit's end & she will drive off any new BF or friends given a 3 weeks. Is it possible i just angered her enough she lost interest or does this seem like another ploy. When she's done with current toy, she'll get kicked out (she's bringing new guy into BF's house & he won't tolerate it. New BF can't & won't support her. Perfect setup for "just this one time, I wouldn't ask unless it was true emergency... ". I see it coming. Unless she's decided she's lost use for me. Any chance that's true? And I know I brought a lot on, I had good intentions so did my wife but I ignored the manipulation knowing she's too narcissistic to kill herself but would easily do it accidentally or wind up with bad people that would hurt her. I want her to go away. I don't wish her ill will but I find myself getting so angry, no one has ever brought this ugly side out of me before. She always repeats the ugly things I say ignoring what she said beforehand (not that it makes it ok for me to be mean, but she takes my most personal things that I've told her and provokes with them. Admittedly bc sometimes she wants to see if I still care-the whole attempt at Jealousy is her way of seeing if I care which is so hard for me to even fathom but I know it's true).
Might she finally have found someone else or is this just part of the cycle? She's said it before but she admitted it was a test. It seems different but IDK. I know i have work on myself n& while she's doing it, I've enabled it. I accept my responsibility. I just need it to end, want her to get help but can't force someone that isn't ready or willing so I'll settle for just having it end. When I disengage that brings her back. The only difference is this time i threatened her legally and she's terrified of jail. I just wonder if it's even possible that she went from obsessed like she's always been (that's been real, there's ample evidence of that even if 'real' simply means sees me as someone with means that can ge t her out of a jam. Might she really mean it and go voluntarily or does this sound like another round? If so, then I need to speed up some things and just really disappear - which I probably do either way.
I left out a lot so if things sounds like BS or don't make sense they'll make as much sense as a story with someone with BPD, NPD and drug abuse meeting an enabler and chronic people pleaser can. Figured people here likely have seen it before and might have some ideas? Anything is appreciated.
