Is it BPD? Mild Bipolar? ADHD, OCD, Depression - those 3 clear diagnosis sofar

[SadandUnderWater]

Very cute emoticons! 

Our 23 year old daughter possibly has all of the above (in the subject line).  The latest article our therapist gave us was called "emotional blackmail".
Our last episode resulted in another huge explosion with threats of her going to kill herself if we filed a restraining order on her so called boyfriend.
I gave in and haven't filed a restraining order.  How can I when she's hurting herself - punching herself, banging her head on the floor, on the cabinets.
We have called the sheriff's one time.  One of the most devastating days of my and my husband's life. I had thought they would eventually put her in a program to help her, but all they did was put her in isolation, then with a roommate that appeared in the middle of the night and they wouldn't allow her to leave until she had a "safe" place to go.  Since she is 23 we could not do anything (talk to the doctors etc.  she has always allowed me to but of course this time was different - understandably).  They released her to her "boyfriend" but she is not "technically" allowed to be at his place.  So she comes and goes between places.
That time and the most recent episode she was definitely sent over the edge by our 19 year old daughter that can be condescending and has tried to parent her because she is unhappy with what we have done. : (  But myself and my husband send her over the edge too.
My husband (her father), myself and her sister are HUGE triggers.  We had a falling out with her boyfriend and discussing the situation causes explosions.
I'm not certain that she would intentionally kill herself (but I am not certain) and I truly feel she could do it unintentionally because she hurts herself so much.
Bangs head on the floor, through hollow core doors, with her fists and has destroyed lot's of doors, door frames, made holes in the wall, phones, etc.
It's been pretty much like this her whole life - but has gotten worse.  The older she gets the bigger the problems naturally.
My husband and I have a business that is struggling because my husband made 5 times more than we can bring home.  We still have those expenses (cut back every where possible).  We don't want to let go of our property.  We live in the country with animals and I think it has helped all of us.  I didn't' know my husband had ADHD until we started working together.
Every part of our lives is stressful.  We previously spoiled the children, so of course that didn't help. Plus I stayed at home with them until our older daughter was 15.  Still worked at home for two years but had to start and run the business. 

Anyway, I am all over the map.  I hope it makes some sort of sense. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

   SadandUnderWater

Wow, my heart goes out to you and your family. It is like you are telling my story (except for the siblings)! Life is all over the map, and what you have shared is really clearly stated.

My D is now 30. She was dx all of the above except BPD by the time she dropped out of high school to have her first child. Her BPD dx was added when she was 23 and court ordered psych evaluation as part of her case for our gs in foster care. (We chose to step back from this situation and he is in loving foster/adopt family since age 5 months. He is about 2 years younger than gd.) She has always resisted any kind of treatment so continues in the loop of her chaos. It really spills over onto so many people, but most especially my hubby (dh), my granddaughter (gd) and I. She has been involved in the court system for the past 10 years due to breakups with boyfriends (bf). Since feeling abandoned is her biggest trigger breakups and jail have been very traumatic for her. Yet she refuses to follow through with the treatment options offered by probation and paid for by probation!

My story would be more encouraging if D30 would participate in therapy. Does your D have a T? Sounds like your T understands what is going on. It is good to hear that you are taking care of yourself.

I also get the drama of boyfriends that seem toxic for D30. We have allowed them into our home, and have struggled to set a strong boundary in futile attempts to keep the peace. My dh is repairing doors damaged by thrown phones today. And I keep replacing the phone as this is her connection to the world while she is in our home without friends. D30 is very compassionate and a good friend much of the time. Until a relationship falls apart, she feels abandoned, she slides into her dark place while exploding outward.

Gotta go get ready to leave for our family Thanksgiving. Please keep posting. I will try to check back daily for you. Be strong and courageous as your D needs you as a loving presence in her life.

qcarolr

[qcarolr]

One more thought. About siblings. The past 10 years my D has been very jealous of the attention I give to gd. I can see this very clearly now that D is 30 and gd is 11. It is like I have two daughters 19 years apart! Sometimes the 11 year old's emotional age is greater than her mom's!

qcarolr

[SadandUnderWater]

I am so sorry, I did not know how to navigate to see if there were any replies. I thought it strange and I have been meaning to look for any.  I just found yours, thank you so much.  I can see I am going to need to learn a lot to understand the "lingo".  I will spend more time another day so I can learn more. Thank you again, I hope you are doing well - as well as one can in this "world"