Why Can't I Be Angry...?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Cheated on lord knows how many times, lied to from the first day I met her, yet the memories we made last in my mind. Sharp and clear. Part of me hurts because I think that she intended to meet me, sleep with me, use me for whatever I was worth, and then dispose of me, but actually ended up becoming extremely attached to me and falling for me after having already made a vicious lie (about being abused, garnering sympathy).

Things got so, SO bad and yet I can't get angry with her. She has done disgusting, despicable things, and yet I still can't find other women attractive. I tried to text her and thank God I'm blocked. She moved across the country after being found out, so it's not like I'd be able to see her, but for some reason I just want to talk to her. I know this is probably an enormous mistake. I wonder what sort of time and effort it will take for me to view her as she really is. She is a very terrible person.

[seeperplexed]

Cheated on lord knows how many times, lied to from the first day I met her, yet the memories we made last in my mind. Sharp and clear. Part of me hurts because I think that she intended to meet me, sleep with me, use me for whatever I was worth, and then dispose of me, but actually ended up becoming extremely attached to me and falling for me after having already made a vicious lie (about being abused, garnering sympathy).

Things got so, SO bad and yet I can't get angry with her. She has done disgusting, despicable things, and yet I still can't find other women attractive. I tried to text her and thank God I'm blocked. She moved across the country after being found out, so it's not like I'd be able to see her, but for some reason I just want to talk to her. I know this is probably an enormous mistake. I wonder what sort of time and effort it will take for me to view her as she really is. She is a very terrible person.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey seeperplexed, If you don't feel angry, that's OK.  The goal is to be authentic and recognize whatever feelings come up.  Detaching isn't a linear process and everyone heals in their own time and in their own way.  What might help, I suggest, is finding a way to process your feelings.  How to process?  That's up to you, but here are some ideas: write in a journal; see a therapist; talk to a close friend or family member; do something artistic to express yourself; get exercise; take a walk in the woods.  You get the idea!

LuckyJim

[heartandwhole]

Hi seeperplexed,

I agree with    LuckyJim. It's okay if you are not feeling angry. I didn't feel angry until months after my breakup. We are all unique and have different ways of coping. As LJ said, grieving the loss has ups, downs, and all arounds, so the anger may come another time.

Do you wish you could be angry because that would help you detach? If yes, that is really understandable. Anger can give us energy to take action. But you can detach without it, too. I'm afraid there is no shortcut to feeling the other feelings that are coming up—the only way out is through.

Do you think the therapy is stirring up things and that is why you are feeling worse? I know that can happen sometimes when getting professional help.

I hope you'll be gentle with yourself. This process needs time and compassion to get through. We're here for you.

heartandwhole