Unemployed... again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I came across this site today for the first time.  I thought that reading other people's posts might be comforting.  My SO has undiagnosed BPD.  He called me today on my lunch break and told me that he quit his job.  In the 3 years we've been together, he hasn't had year stretch with a job.  It's unhealthy for me to be living with someone who doesn't work.  It's hard to come home after working all day to my SO stoned, gambling online.  I recently started weekly therapy, I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD.  I just thought I'd introduce myself.

[Sufficating]

So I came across this site today for the first time.  I thought that reading other people's posts might be comforting.  My SO has undiagnosed BPD.  He called me today on my lunch break and told me that he quit his job.  In the 3 years we've been together, he hasn't had year stretch with a job.  It's unhealthy for me to be living with someone who doesn't work.  It's hard to come home after working all day to my SO stoned, gambling online.  I recently started weekly therapy, I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD.  I just thought I'd introduce myself.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Sufficating:   

I'm sorry about the situation with your SO.  Are you married?  Any children?

In the 3 years we've been together, he hasn't had year stretch with a job.  It's hard to come home after working all day to my SO stoned, gambling online.

I can see how frustrating that must be for you.   

I'm sorry that you have complex PTSD.  It is good that you are seeing a therapist.  Hopefully the therapist can guide through these difficult times and decisions.

This is a safe place to share.  It can be helpful to post here, while in therapy.  It can be a good place to post, while learning specific communication skills and strategy to hopefully make things better with your SO.  You can't change him, but changing the way you interact with him and react to him can make things better for you.

[sad but wiser]

My ex was perpetually unemployed and retraining etc.  Stayed for 20 yrs.  It didn't get better.  Sorry you are dealing with this.  It stinks!

[Sufficating]

Thankfully we are not married and do not have childrean.  I'm staying for financial reasons.  He contributes $700/month.  I'm trying to figure out a way to live without his contribution (selling my condo, renting out a room, etc... .).  I have a child to provide for. 

I'm so sick of the gaslighting.  I end up freaking out and then all the attention is on how I'm freaking out.  It's a lose lose situation.  I feel beat up.  In therapy, I'm trying to figure out why I end up with unstable people.  I'm an accountant, I'm as stable as they come, so it's strange that I end up with someone so unstable.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Sufficating:

Thankfully we are not married and do not have children. 

Good to hear.  Make sure it stays that way.

I'm so sick of the gaslighting.  I end up freaking out and then all the attention is on how I'm freaking out.  It's a lose lose situation.  I feel beat up.

Can you share an example or two on what "gaslighting" look like to you? 

[Sufficating]

The daily gaslighting consists of reality twists, telling me that I'm crazy, telling me that something that was said was never said, something that was done was never done.

[Warcleods]

Hello,

Eeeeek, how does he plan to support himself financially?  Is he the "milk the system," type of personality where he works just long enough to collect unemployment for a while? Is his unemployment burden affecting your pocket book?  If so, it's only going to get worse.  There's no reason to accept this behavior.  Whatever "excuse," he presents for not holding down a stable job is, 1. probably not true, and 2. never his fault.  On the surface, it appears there is a commitment and accountability issue going on here.  Don't be naive and think this type of behavior won't manifest itself in the relationship you and him have.

Good luck.

[Sufficating]

Yes, he'll work long enough to collect unemployment.  I guess I found my breaking point last night, I told him he had to move out.  I found out that he was secretly meeting up with a female.  Awesome.