Introduction

[Itiswell1971]

I am the mother of a 26 yr old daughter with undiagnosed BPD, but diagnosed PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I have 2 other children that are 24 and 21.

My daughter has 5 children and claims to be pregnant with twins again. I've not seen anything that causes me to believe she is indeed pregnant. She has lied several times in the last 2 1/2 yrs about being pregnant. In May 2015 she lost custody of the 3 youngest of her kids to their narcopath father and immediately married her current husband in June 2015. This husband is currently diagnosed bipolar.

No one is currently in therapy. I have been in therapy for 5 years until my husband and I moved to Tennessee from Colorado September 1, 2016. My diagnoses' are PTSD, codependence, anxiety and depression. 4 of 5 grandkids have had very limited therapy. Just as soon as I was getting them established with a therapist she was asked to participate. After the third session with my oldest grandson's therapist she ended therapy because  they wanted to focus on her parenting or lack there of.

I have many issues with my daughter but if i was pressed to say the biggest would be her lies. She lies about anything and everything. I believe nothing she says and only believe independent verification... .not connected in any way to her.

Today I am thankful I got to talk to my oldest 2 grandkids for Christmas. My husband and I pay for a cell phone for my 9 yr old grandson and 8 yr old granddaughter now that we live in TN. I haven't spoke to my daughter for Christmas as she has told us countless lies over the last 3 weeks. Still I feel very dad.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi itiswell1971,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's not fair that your D26 didn't contact you, it's sad to hear that the grandkids are going through this.

My S7 has a learning disability and he sees a mental health therapy. My ex wife is undiagnosed and displays BPD traits. She took him to his appointments in the beginning but when the T talked to her and she had to self reflect, she didn't want any of that. So I take my son to all of his sessions.

What about her H? Can he take the oldest grandson? Is he reasonable?

[Itiswell1971]

Unfortunately her H has long list of his own issues and doesn't believe therapy is helpful. My H and I are in the process of reestablishing ourselves here in TN and there is a plan for my grandkids to visit in July. We have made provisions for them to live with us of we can obtain custody. If that is something that happens, they will be in therapy immediately. My D seems most consented about what the kids would say to a therapist. She for sure isn't willing to look at her role in any of the behavioral issues her kids have.

[Mutt]

A pwBPD have very little boundaries on themselves and have a poor understanding of the boundaries of others. You D doesn't where she ends and the kids are begin, borderline mothers are enmeshed with their kids. It's very possible that she doesn't want the T to find out certain details, it's also a possibility that she's afraid that the kids being in T is is bad self reflection on her. I'm sorry you, my S7 has a learning disability and used to emotionally dysregulate often, I take him to see his mental health therapists, she teaches him skills that is going to benefit him later in life.

[GinaByTheC]

Hello... .

It sounds really tough.
I am glad that you got yo see your grand kids recently. Grandmas are such an important support for both grandkids and parents alike.

Lies are interesting. What triggers a lie? Is it wishful imaginings that just for a moment appear real or are they part of delusional thinking?

Like you, I have grown daughters too, and it is my youngest with BPD. It was diagnosed. Then she denied the diagnosis and claims to occasionally get depressed.

Look forward to sharing our progress stories.