Pregnant daughter with BPD

[hopefulparent]

I joined this support group to help me cope with my adult daughter with BPD. She is nine months pregnant and l lives with the baby's father. She has not worked or been productive the last four years. Her boyfriend has only worked the 3 months the past year. I am sick with worry about her soon to be born child and my daughter.

I have encouraged, begged and pleaded with her to get mental health help for years. Her primary care doctor told her he believed she has a personality disorder 4 years ago and she refuses to get help. It is so difficult to see her suffering. Her boyfriend is controlling and continually causes problems with me and the rest of her family. I realize she allows this but it still heartbreaking to watch.

I want to be helpful and supportive of her especially as she becomes a new mother. But also keep my hard fought boundaries and not enable her. I have serious concerns on her ability to care for a newborn. Any feedback and support is very appreciated!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi hopefulparent,



I can understand your worry about your daughter. In your shoes, I'm sure I'd feel the same. It's so difficult to watch someone we love struggle. The fact that a baby is coming, who will be totally dependent on her parents, just adds to the concern. 

You've found a great place for support here. Our members have been through similar situations and understand. There are also tons of tools on the site to help. There are communication tools that can change the dynamic between you and your daughter.

What behaviors cause you the most worry, hopeful? How often do you have contact with your daughter?

Keep writing, it really helps to share. We're here to support you. 

heartandwhole

[hopefulparent]

Thank you for your support. I have been reading on BPD and setting boundaries. I find support and comfort in keeping healthy boundaries from knowledge.

My biggest concern is my daughters wellbeing and how they will support the baby financially and physically. Their living conditions are horrible! They are living with another family that has an adult son with paranoid schizophenia and is totally alcoholic. I've told them they can't take a baby into that envirnoment whitch they absolutely agree. But on the other hand, neither one of them is doing anything to change the situation.

At this point, they have nothing, and I mean nothing for the baby. Which is due in 3 1/2 weeks. My daughter has only seen a doctor 3 times during her pregnancy. I fear the baby will be taken by CPS at birth. Its a tough situation!