Wife Telling New BF I Abuse Her

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The wife of my soon to be ex-pwPBDw reached out to me on facebook. I didn't really want to talk to her since she basically ruined any chance of fixing what was wrong with my wife by unloading on her husband everything that has been shared with her by my wife's ex, including what little contact I had with my wifes ex. The woman is stupid and basically created an us vs. them dynamic kaplin triangle that pushed my wife and her new BF closer together.

Her new BF is a depressive poor sap that has been married since he was a kid and doesn't at all understand what my wife is doing to him. My wife was doing a pilot before him who dumped her because a pilot is way more experienced with women and probably knew exactly what my wife was.

All that being said his wife told me that my wife has been telling him that I beat her and showing her bruises to him to prove it. Understand that we have a very rambunctious 21 months old who is large for his age and she bruises very easily. Now I'm worried, really worried. I am going to divorce my wife. Even if her new BF falls through she will only recycle back to me long enough to find a new sap which has already happened once. I fear that she is going to play the abuse card in the divorce. After all she does have bruises thanks to our son.

Sadly it was my mom who gave her the idea. After showing my mom all the bruises our son gave her my mom had commented to my wife that when I was toddler people asked her if my dad was beating her because of all the bruises she had.

I'm hoping that this is only her new BF that she is spilling this story to but I doubt it. Yesterday, just before I learned of this, both of us had come back from our respective therapists. She asked about my therapist and I told her that he is helping me work through the stages, I meant stages of detachment. And she asked when does anger come. I said its not the stages of grief I'm going through. Then she said that her therapist had warned her that I would be going through anger soon.

I fear that she has at least tried to sell this to her therapist in order to avoid a BPD diagnosis. She is leaving me not because she devalued me and had an affair, well two affairs at least. She is leaving me because I beat her. She had a full 2 weeks to study and learn what not to tell her therapists because I was dumb enough to tell her that I thought she was BPD. Lord knows what other lies she told her therapist.

So bottom line what do I have to do to protect myself now, legally.

[Portent]

The wife of my soon to be ex-pwPBDw reached out to me on facebook. I didn't really want to talk to her since she basically ruined any chance of fixing what was wrong with my wife by unloading on her husband everything that has been shared with her by my wife's ex, including what little contact I had with my wifes ex. The woman is stupid and basically created an us vs. them dynamic kaplin triangle that pushed my wife and her new BF closer together.

Her new BF is a depressive poor sap that has been married since he was a kid and doesn't at all understand what my wife is doing to him. My wife was doing a pilot before him who dumped her because a pilot is way more experienced with women and probably knew exactly what my wife was.

All that being said his wife told me that my wife has been telling him that I beat her and showing her bruises to him to prove it. Understand that we have a very rambunctious 21 months old who is large for his age and she bruises very easily. Now I'm worried, really worried. I am going to divorce my wife. Even if her new BF falls through she will only recycle back to me long enough to find a new sap which has already happened once. I fear that she is going to play the abuse card in the divorce. After all she does have bruises thanks to our son.

Sadly it was my mom who gave her the idea. After showing my mom all the bruises our son gave her my mom had commented to my wife that when I was toddler people asked her if my dad was beating her because of all the bruises she had.

I'm hoping that this is only her new BF that she is spilling this story to but I doubt it. Yesterday, just before I learned of this, both of us had come back from our respective therapists. She asked about my therapist and I told her that he is helping me work through the stages, I meant stages of detachment. And she asked when does anger come. I said its not the stages of grief I'm going through. Then she said that her therapist had warned her that I would be going through anger soon.

I fear that she has at least tried to sell this to her therapist in order to avoid a BPD diagnosis. She is leaving me not because she devalued me and had an affair, well two affairs at least. She is leaving me because I beat her. She had a full 2 weeks to study and learn what not to tell her therapists because I was dumb enough to tell her that I thought she was BPD. Lord knows what other lies she told her therapist.

So bottom line what do I have to do to protect myself now, legally.

[jonmnemonic]

The sad truth is your wife has probably been smearing you to more people and longer than you know about.  They (BPDs) will do whatever it takes to maintain their victim status and have you (along with ever other person they've been in a relationship with) painted black.  Your best defense is to limit contact with your wife as much as possible and NEVER be alone with her.  I would insist all communication be done through email (with everything you send BCC'd to someone you trust) or have all communication go through your lawyer.

The best way to get rid of someone with BPD is to be apathetic towards them.  Even though you most likely won't actually be apathetic you can at least act that way, but you'll have to maintain it for the duration. 

[Portent]

Yeah things are falling into place. I overheard her talking to a new friend after she gave me the news. She tends to get all new friends when she cycles. Old friends know her too well. That hardly any of her friends in the area had been her friend longer than I year when we first met should have been a major sign. She had thrown away all of her old friends after her last divorce or they have had enough of her. I do know that her best friend lambasted her over text and called of their friendship.

She told the friend she was on the phone with that "she was so scared"about telling me. It seemed odd but it makes more sense now that she has been telling her new friends that I beat her. None of her old friends who know me and her would believe it. Her new friends have never met me.

[trappeddad]

None of her old friends who know me and her would believe it. Her new friends have never met me.

Keep in close contact with some of these old friends who know the truth about you and know that she lies.     You could need allies to expose the truth.     This did not work for me, but her lies could benefit you.   At least that is what the L's told me.