Always feel emotionally drained

[Rose1316]

I have been with my husband for 11 years, and married for 8.  It's always been a very difficult relationship, but I feel like I have tried so hard and I just can't be around him any longer.  We have 2 children, aged 3 and 9 months.  My husband basically has nothing to do with the kids, and as soon as I became pregnant he told me that I ruined his life and that he was happy just being with me and didn't understand why I wanted to have kids.  This was after we had discussed and planned to have kids so it was really hard to hear, and continued through my pregnancy and even after our son was born (I didn't want him, he's yours, etc... .).  Now that our son is a little older, he has a little more to do with him, but it's only when my husband wants to.  It seems like it's either 1 of 2 situations - 1. My husband wants me to watch him playing with our son like he is getting brownie points for spending time with him, and if I don't pay attention then he is mad, and says whatever, forget it and no longer plays with our son.  The second situation would be if my husband wants our son to watch a movie with him or give him a hug (always that our son has to come to him or do what he wants) and if our son is not interested, then he will put him down and hurt his feelings.  Our son has trouble speaking, and he mocks him - he's said that he sounds like a minion, mimics sounds he makes, or tells him he doesn't know what he is saying (like my son calls me Ba because he cannot say Mom, and my husband will say Bob? I don't know who Bob is). 

I guess our relationship was never great, but I guess I could handle when I was to blame for everything and the reason for all of his anger, and now that the kids are involved I can't stand it any longer.  My husband finally lost his job.  He had finally found one where it seemed no matter what he did, he did not get fired, but he pushed his limits until they finally fired him!  And of course, it was my fault according to him.  He has not worked for almost a year.  He does not help with the kids while I work from home trying to pay our bills for all of the things that I did not want to buy and did not put my name on because I felt they were out of our budget (house, car, tv/home theater set up).  He has 2 other children that he does not have a relationship with and I was paying the child support for him since he was out of work, but have since stopped.  He acts as if he does not have these other kids, does not want to hear about them and I guess feels it is my responsibility to pay for them. 

Our son has a lot of medical problems and I am bringing him to different doctor's appointments almost every day of the week.  We live out of state from any family and we don't have any friends.  I have no help and I feel emotionally drained.  I am always walking on eggshells around him.

[CrossroadsGuyMn]

Welcome.

Today I made my first post, and it felt really good when others commented on it; it made me feel heard.  So I want to do the same.

While my situation is vastly different than yours, I understand how it feels to be emotionally drained.  Its very difficult to endure.  I'm sorry that you are having to experience it.

In my short time here today, I've found that there is much to read and consider.  I plan on spending a bit of time here every day for the foreseeable future.  If nothing else, for me its comforting to know that none of us are alone in our struggles.  That everyone is in differing stages of healing, and that healing and an improving future is possible.