Snoring SET him OFF

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey There!

 I had recently posted a few weeks ago that my husband had gone 5 months without a BPD episode... .All was fine here until a few nights ago. I snore at night and he got up in a huff in the middle of the night and started yelling at me that I am affecting his sleep. Yes, I knew I snore, but he never said it was such a big problem. He said he only gets three hours of sleep because of me... .every night... and that he has been almost falling asleep on the way to work because of it. Well , I did not know it was this severe, so I have been sleeping on the couch because he currently doesn't want to sleep next to me due to me keeping him awake. I went out to the store and got those "sleep nasal strips" hopefully they work. After two nights of not being allowed to sleep next to him he said we could "try out the strips tonight"  and see if they work, if not its back to the couch I go ... or he goes on the couch. I am so hurt, I know snoring must be annoying to some but I think he's being a bit ridiculous considering Im trying to find solutions. I am even going to buy one of those Zyppah mouth apparatuses that prevent snoring for $99~ but that wont get here til next week.

Just needed to vent, he is so awful to me at times, Im getting fed up!


Julie

[WifeInOz]

Hey There!

 I had recently posted a few weeks ago that my husband had gone 5 months without a BPD episode... .All was fine here until a few nights ago. I snore at night and he got up in a huff in the middle of the night and started yelling at me that I am affecting his sleep. Yes, I knew I snore, but he never said it was such a big problem. He said he only gets three hours of sleep because of me... .every night... and that he has been almost falling asleep on the way to work because of it. Well , I did not know it was this severe, so I have been sleeping on the couch because he currently doesn't want to sleep next to me due to me keeping him awake. I went out to the store and got those "sleep nasal strips" hopefully they work. After two nights of not being allowed to sleep next to him he said we could "try out the strips tonight"  and see if they work, if not its back to the couch I go ... or he goes on the couch. I am so hurt, I know snoring must be annoying to some but I think he's being a bit ridiculous considering Im trying to find solutions. I am even going to buy one of those Zyppah mouth apparatuses that prevent snoring for $99~ but that wont get here til next week.

Just needed to vent, he is so awful to me at times, Im getting fed up!


Julie

[isilme]

When H was a bit heavier, he would snore a lot, and still does if he's sleeping on his back.  I can attest that not being able to sleep or stay asleep IS a terrible feeling.  I've spent many nights on the couch, and tried to hide it by sneaking back to bed before morning so he won't make a big deal about it.  he gets mad that I am such a light sleeper, and I got a sleep tracker to prove that I am not sleeping well at night, and how often I am woken.  it took that for him to realize how little sleep I usually got.  It's improved over the last year, from about 3-4 hours of actual sleep a 7 hour night to about 5-6 hours.  Going to work after not sleeping to just have it repeat again would make anyone cranky - BPD just manifests far worse.

I'm not blaming you, but it IS good to be working on it.  Your snoring probably means you are also not sleeping well, and you don't even know it.  Even relationships without BPD can end up having people sleep in other rooms for years because of severe snoring, and a pwBPD often has a lower threshold for irritation than those without.  Add to that a lack of care about how they approach and address it, and you have your experience.  H is more upset about smells.  He will complain if my perfume is too strong, or claim he hates it (even if he picked it out).  I use unscented soap for this reason, and usually only have a small amount of baby powder and deodorant on me at bedtime.  Still, he will claim I am using some strongly scented soap and often won't listen that I am not.  He also claims he can "smell" when I am getting sick.  So your H may have extra-irritable ears.

To help me with minor snoring, I wear sleepphones - it's a soft set of headphones that you can also have over your eyes, that sometimes helps me drown out H's snoring if he has a bad night.