Caught him sexting ex

[Winterberry]

I had my pwBPD's ex blocked for about a year after she tried to add me but I decided to unblock her and to my surprise I saw that my boyfriend had liked her recent posts. I asked him about it and he said that he wanted her to know if he ever committed suicide but couldn't explain why he liked her posts, so i messaged her and asked if they'd talked and she sent me screenshots. They had been talking and sexting regularly for the past month. We live a while apart but I've seen him in-between that time and he was doing really bad mentally, but in terms of our relationship everything seemed perfectly normal. Oh, and I lost my best friend to suicide 3 months ago. He saw me break down when I found out and knows how hard it was for me. I only have one friend and we don't talk very often. It's been hard to process what's happened and decide what to do. After I found out, we called and he told me everything and I believe he's truly remorseful and wouldn't do anything of the sort again. He said he wanted to feel like he did when he was with her but it didn't work. There's not excuses at all for this. I don't know if I can move past this or not. I feel like I'd regret leaving him. For context, we've been together 2 years.

[Notwendy]

This is a shock to you and you feel betrayed. I don't think there's one answer to what you should do but consider your boundaries. Boundaries aren't what we impose on someone else. It's what we decide to do if someone violates our own values and boundaries.

You can't control what your boyfriend does. What you can control is what you decide to do about it.

If your value/boundary is fidelity and honesty in a relationship- then- this is not in line with your value.

He may be remorseful but on your part, can you trust him, even if he is? Do you want to give him another chance or not. This isn't about him - this is your feelings. Can you get past this?

If you can then so be it.

If you can't, and you stay with him, you will have put aside your own values and boundaries for the sake of staying with him. This may take a toll on your own self worth and self esteem.

Keep in mind, the choice is yours- difficult ones, but still a choice. You can choose to not stay in a relationship with someone who has not been honest with you. Or you can choose to stay regardless. This isn't about him, it's about what you feel is best for you. Yes, you've invested 2 years with this person- but this is how it is in 2 years, I think by now, you know how it is with him. Just because you have spent 2 years with him doesn't mean you need to invest more of your time.

Will you regret leaving? Most relationships aren't all good or all bad. Surely there are good things that people might regret but they have to choose what decision is in their best interest. The other question is will you regret staying?

[Winterberry]

That reply was helpful and i've spent the past few days reflecting. We're still together and i think i can move past this act, but I'm still not sure I'll be content in this relationship. It's mainly the fact that he's not over his ex emotionally. Someone else has a place in his heart, and I don't know how big that place is or where I stand either. He would say that he's explained it loads, but I still don't really know. And honestly I think I always wanted a relationship where I felt seen, and I feel like this is difficult with a person with BPD. Of course, there are positives too. I know that no one can really tell me what to do but I at least feel understood on this website