I'm at my limit

[NK1994]

I'm with my partner for almost 2 years, I knew from the beginning about his diagnosis and tbh for lots of instances I didn't knew how to react, I've made some big mistakes but I've worked on myself a lot and I educated myself. So my problem is that my partner can't let go the fact that I had a one night stand with a famous singer when I was 19 (I'm 30 now). He broke my cd records of irrelevant artists just because is the same genre, he threw away my concert tickets from again irrelevant artists for the same reasons, he throws tantrums, he became physical 7 times ( 2 of them it was more than a slap). I've tried to validate him, reason, explain, most of the times now I ignore him. We got into couples therapy to save our relationship and we're both into individual therapy. I've been to abusive relationships before, I had narcissists and let me tell you it was never THAT bad with anyone else.During his episodes he's awful, I never received so much disrespect before, so much violence, so much torment. The verbal abuse is worse than I've ever had. I try so hard with him, I've tried every tool but sometimes I know that I react bad and with anger, I don't know if I can take it anymore. I stay with him because I hope for a change and because he's a nice person when his not in a episode and I know that his trying. At the beginning he had bigger tantrums and they were more often. I've set some hard boundaries now and I'm trying for the best, but I don't know if this can get better.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Outdorenthusiast]

I'm with my partner for almost 2 years, I knew from the beginning about his diagnosis and tbh for lots of instances I didn't knew how to react, I've made some big mistakes but I've worked on myself a lot and I educated myself. So my problem is that my partner can't let go the fact that I had a one night stand with a famous singer when I was 19 (I'm 30 now). He broke my cd records of irrelevant artists just because is the same genre, he threw away my concert tickets from again irrelevant artists for the same reasons, he throws tantrums, he became physical 7 times ( 2 of them it was more than a slap). I've tried to validate him, reason, explain, most of the times now I ignore him. We got into couples therapy to save our relationship and we're both into individual therapy. I've been to abusive relationships before, I had narcissists and let me tell you it was never THAT bad with anyone else.During his episodes he's awful, I never received so much disrespect before, so much violence, so much torment. The verbal abuse is worse than I've ever had. I try so hard with him, I've tried every tool but sometimes I know that I react bad and with anger, I don't know if I can take it anymore. I stay with him because I hope for a change and because he's a nice person when his not in a episode and I know that his trying. At the beginning he had bigger tantrums and they were more often. I've set some hard boundaries now and I'm trying for the best, but I don't know if this can get better.

Welcome! 
It sounds as if this post might be better placed on the conflicted board.  However as to “bettering” a relationship - being in a BPD relationship is a lot of willing work by both partners for a LIFETIME.  There is no magic cure or pill.  I will just let that sink in for a while…

Feel free to learn some of the critical skills listed in this site on how to manage being in a relationship with someone who has BPD.  Please also take care to keep yourself safe.  Some of your comments on his physical reactions are strong red flags that should be addressed with very strong boundaries and consequences that are 100% within your control.

Warm regards,
Outdoor