How common is it for our children with BPD to be in an abusive relationship?

[Joyinrepetition]

Just wondering how many of us here have an adult child with BPD who are in an abusive relationship? My DSD is now in her second one sadly, but is in denial again. Her previous marriage lasted 12 years, and she had 2 kids with him, before she got out. But her kids spend every weekend with her former husband. Now she’s in marriage number 2, and I recently discovered she was physically assaulted by spouse. But now apparently all is well between them both, and she has no recollection of the incident. Spouse claims nothing happened, and since there were no witnesses it’s easy for him to gaslight my DSD into believing she just ‘fell’ which is what she’s saying now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[KitKat68]

I don’t know how common it is but I know my daughter wBPD, her first marriage was definitely abusive in every sense a person could think of. Eventually she became abusive toward her now ex husband, perhaps reactive abuse but I don’t know, and then she cheated on him and left with their two kids. She is now married to the guy she cheated on him with. Her ex husband also cheated multiple times and I think their fights over his adultery often led to physical altercations.That relationship was a hot mess from the beginning, very tumultuous.

I’m no expert but my daughter’s first husband seemed very narcissistic and it is my understanding narcissists and people wBPD getting involved with one another is pretty common. Generally speaking the NPD/BPD connection seems like it would be very toxic.

[js friend]

Hi Joy,

My udd's first r/s was very abusive with lots of d/v between the both of them and the  police were often called by the neighbours. udd has gone to have many r/s's since where she has been the abuser and  accused them of abuse, threatening to take them to court and then dropping all charges.
Similarly to kitkat I would describe my udd's first partner and the father as the 2 eldest as having very strong NPD traits and to be very manipulative. I dont know what the more recent long term partner is like now, as we now have no contact but I still worry that my gc may be growing up in an abusive household whether it is from him, her, or both.