more BPD?

[BPDstinks]

This is unbelievable!  My granddaughters' mother (long story/no relation to me) has been telling me she has BPD (her mother has NO idea about this); we have had a very "delicate" relationship for the past 7+ years (important to note, of her 3 children, though I love them immensely, only the oldest is related to me (more importance, my granddaughter's father, (my son) removed himself from the picture.  Let's say pwBPD has threatened me for years, I cannot see the kids for various reasons; she has moved for the 6th time & has, again, advised I cannot see the kids, for absurd (and INCORRECT reasons...she stated my husband is rude to her children (he absolutely is NOT!) so...usually i just suck it up & wait it out...this time she seems to be out of contact longer than usual...I am frustrated (instinct tells me to be patient (though, she has blocked me from all contact (i.e. FB, etc.) (again, not the first time)...can this REALLY be that my DAUGHTER and "the" mother have BPD, if so....how to handle?  (my daughter is one thing, however, the thought of not seeing my grandkids is making me very nervous

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi Bpdstinks (love the name btw)

I have 3 gc from my udd that she hasnt allowed me to see for the last 4 years and I also have a distant relative who married a woman who was dx with Bpd after having their first child and who to date has never gone NC with her parents or even threatened to keep kids away from them. She told me once  that she  refused to speak to her father for several years before she had kids because he made some flippant comment that she didnt like, but she made up with him once the kids came along. She is very open about her Bpd dx and is in therapy and always working on it to do better.

On the other hand my udd is not formally dx (as far as I know) although I think she has come pretty close to it a few times. I dont think she would share a dx with anyone especially me so I think that it is liberating when pwbpd do as in your gc mothers case. I think that accepting the dx and sharing it with others can sometimes be the first step in healing. Some wear it as a badge to explain their bad behaviours, others use it to work on themselves. Do you think she is working on herself?

Im not sure that even having a dx is something my udd would accept as I think it is just too painful for her to look introspectively. She displays 8 of the bpd criteria and its the constant displays of this erractic behaviour since her teens that I go by.

I have been served several occasions of NC by my  udd since the birth of my gc, this being the longest so far. Any info I get about my gc is from her ex who has isnt very constant in gc's lives and has his own issues so any info from hiim is very scare. I also dont have a phone number for udd, because of all the abusive calls and texts from udd from various with held numbers, so on the off chance I went to my udd's home 1 years ago hoping to see my gc. I was hoping that udd had mellowed with time and NC but unfortunately I picked a day when the gc werent there and udd was not pleased to see me at all and sent me on my way pretty quickly.  Now I think about it it probably was for the best that I went on that day. It is a terrible position to not be allowed to see our gc and I wish there was a law to protect our relationships when we are suddenly ripped out of their lives so we are often just forced to wait. I wasnt meant to see them that day.
It wasnt the right time, but I believe that day will come at some point.....and Im here for it.

[BPDstinks]

thank you for responding!  well...I DID think she WAS until this last episode; after her MOST recent move, for about one month, she was like a different person; so kind & pleasant!  (my fault!  I let my "guard" down; if it were NOT for the grandkids, I could care less if I ever spoke to this person; I do not think she works on herself at ALL!  I think she just uses whomever she can!  I AM sorry...your situation is FAR worse!  I just feel like I am a magnet for BPD!!!

[js friend]

Hi again Bpdstinks,


I have come across much much worse situations from members ( for instance my udd doesnt do drugs or self harm which Iam grateful for.)

I also used to think that I was a magnet for disordered but I think i developed this thought because  of  hyper vigilance  and ptsd I have developed from all the c%$p from dealing with udd. I just cant deal with the (possible) dysfunction so cut people off very quickly if I suspect it. I think Bpd and other mental disorders are more prevalent in our society than we think and its always good to keep your wits about you.

Hang in there Bpdstinks. Pwbpd tend to change their minds quite frequently due to impulsivity. Your gc mother may never go Nc with you, but then again maybe she will one day. We have no guarantee or control over what the future has instore for us. No way would I have ever thought that I would been 4 yrs without my gc. Others on here have been 11yrs Nc or more,  but here we are. For now try not to look too far ahead and enjoy what you have now. Taking one day at at time truly helps.

[BPDstinks]

Goodness!  I appreciate THAT!  In reading some of these stories...I know I am lucky, as things can always be WORSE!  (I have had my own mental health issues and bluntly, I refuse to let myself slip back into THAT, for things I can NOT control!  (personally, I DO see that, by trying to be kind to HER, I have enabled her and even encouraged the "poor behavior" on her part!  I agree, BPD seems to be EVERYwhere, so, who knows who has had this & been UNdiagnosed (though...she displays no other symptoms, at least compared to my BPD daughter!