Co-parenting communication

[mona3]

 

I do not know how to answer my ex. He has full custody of my 5 month old baby and is being a total jerk. I am afraid of answering his messages as I do not want to say something that will later on be used against me, or show him my feelings and become vulnerable to getting back into his and his family's control. On the other hand, as many questions as I have over how he and his family are handling my baby, and with the fear of making a wrong move, I haven't been answering him. That brings me another fear of him using my silence against me and saying that I do not care about my child.

He has already stated that everything he is doing is "for the betterment of his son" and long story short, he really cannot see the effects his actions will have on the development of our baby.

[ForeverDad]

Welcome!  We hope you can benefit from our peer support.

Without at least some more details, it's hard to make a response.  It seems there has been some sort of legal actions that have happened for your child's father to have full custody.  Is it just temporary?  Do you get at least some parenting time?  Is there basis for this action?  Have you been nursing your baby and that has been obstructed?

Questions aside, the court order may state that parenting information should be shared between the parents.  If so then it would be wise to talk with him.  But be wise when doing so, be careful not to say anything that would make you look bad.

My divorce lawyer told me that his first task when he got a new client was to sit on the client.  Why?  Because the client might say or do something that would make his legal efforts harder to accomplish - and more expensive.  His thought was that silence was a protection but the reality is there does need to be some parenting matters shared.

So anytime you converse with him, imagine the judge sitting behind you looking over your shoulder.  That mental image will help you keep self-control and your composure as well as not to say too much or over-promise.