my daughter insists things that never happened are real

[sunnierdays100]

My daughter (23) has BPD and wants thereapy to work through childhood "abuse". I am open to therapy with her but then I will have to say that many of the things that she "remembers" never happened. She consistently tells of awful memories of me (and other peopel) doing terrible things to her that in reality never happened. Like me yelling at her over and over and people berating her and punishing her constantly. I know the exact things she keeps insisting on never happened and if I go into counseling with her I have to tell her that those things never happened and she has said I never believe her about anything already. But we know those things didn't happen and she will never trust me again after I say so. So how can I go into therapy knowing that it will make things worse?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ForeverDad]

Wow, this is quite a hot potato.  People with BPD traits (pwBPD) are known to make claims and allegations that are actually feelings which are perceived as facts.  And such "memories" are very hard to disprove, what with the propensity for society to believe the "victim" who makes an unsubstantiated claim.

Has she been diagnosed with BPD?  Or is she undiagnosed yet fits the BPD trait patterns?

While your concern is notable that you don't want to lose your daughter's trust, there is another risk that you may not have considered.  Though she is now an adult, would some of those perceived memories extend back into her childhood when she was a minor?  If these memories were considered abusive, would that trigger mandated reporting and investigations by officials even though she is now an adult?  I don't know the answer but that's what came to mind.  I really don't know how to approach this but I welcome others to add insight in case my concerns are overcautious.

[BPDstinks]

Hi!  I am sorry to hear this! although.....I cannot believe SOMEone else has had this!  My 24 y/o pw/BPD (so much of a backstory....) has not seen nor spoken to me, her father, her sister, her nieces for going on 3 years (she texts every now & than, only if she needs something) our last conversationS were (amongst others) "Father is the reason I want to end my life" (this was before I heard of JADE) pwBPD said "he went through stuff in my trunk (we had traded cars...for a weekend, per her request) he had cleaned out empty alcohol bottles, b/c he thought she could get in trouble and trash (pwBPD mentioned TWO pieces of Halloween candy, he, admittedly, ate.  She also said he yelled at her, all the time, when she was a child (I truly do not recall this; there was normal DISCLIPLINE...my husband, by nature, is soft-spoken); a couple months later, she said, I was the reason, b/c I was not "there" for her when she was a child (again, no JADE) (I am STUNNED, b/c she once said used to joke and say I was a SMOTHER (did TOO much): she said I worked too much and was not emotionally available; I acknowledge I worked aLOT ) because my job demanded that, off and on.....there were so many examples.  For months after these accusations, I scoured through pictures and cards and tried to see WHAT I missed? I still do not understand....sadly, I do not have advice, however, wish you luck with you cause