Separating from Adult Child with BPD

[CocoNR]

Has anyone voluntarily separated from their adult borderline child?

My 38-year-old adult daughter has BPD. She has threatened the lives of several family members, including my young grandchildren. Now she says that the threat was "reactive." My other daughter (the children's mother), my ex-husband, and my current husband all want me to end contact with her completely.

She was homeless, and I caved, and I accepted contact with her after months of repeated begging from her. I said I would help her out for one more period, paying for housing in a faraway state for six months. I did this to help give her a new start and to keep her far from us.

I have the threats in both voice and in text. We have received threats to us and threats of suicide, and some physical violence consistently over the last 24 years.

She always has an excuse, and it is always my fault that she has been victimized and she is always “reacting.” She has hit several family members as well as her former landlord. She does not have a job, nor can she keep a job. She is on SSI.

She thinks she is “autistic” and refuses to get mental health help. She just wants to live at my house, which will never be a possibility.
 
My husband says I am a detriment to her by continuing to be in touch because she refuses to get the help she needs.

My mental health is suffering greatly. She texts me more than 100 times a day, with blame, questions, pleas.

Both being in touch and the thought of breaking off all contact are heartbreaking to me
Has anyone else been in this place?

Many thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders