I envy her

[Kelli Cornett]

I wish I had the ability to just turn on and off. To use people and then discard without a thought and pick up the next one.

I wish my mind could change stories for my sanity... .

But I'm not built that way and I'm broken now

It was a ldr for 5 months with my discard coming on a trip with her overseas
A few emails from her after that which I didn't respond
Until early Jan and then I bit
I heard what I wanted ... .I love you I've never stopped etc
A few weeks of texts and phone calls and now nothing...

I just want to die - thoughts of her haunt me during my waking and sleeping hours
Each thought cuts like a thousand knives

I don't have it in me to endure this ... I read stories of people who are years out and still think of their ex
It's like a chronic disease you can manage the symptoms but never heal

I've been in therapy since October I've exercised meditated spent time with friends  but it doesn't help the thoughts are always there
Dreams are the worst waking up with the terrible ache

Time to get affairs in order - will, cremation service and arrangements for my dog

I only hope her replacements are stronger than I was

[glaciercats]

I know your hurting but please don't talk like that. You deserve way more than what she has put you through. And you will find that just don't give up.

I understand the pain. I go through it ever single day. It makes me so disconnected from everything. But you have to realise she is sick. This replacement and the one after that they aren't going to make her happy. And they never will. She doesn't even know what love is. Stuck in a Jr high type of crush is how they think love is. Believe me once her honeymoon stage is over the new guy will be disagreed just the same.

If you ever need to talk I'm here. But please don't do anything to harm yourself. I do understand your pain. And I'm sorry your hurting like this.

[noideaforname]

i understand you... .there are days it seems things will not pass... .time just get stuck... .
but don't give up... .you can't think about a dark future... .you have to imagine a brighter future... .don't get stuck in your mind as hard as this could be... .
have faith that you will look back at this and see how strong you became after all the pain starts to fade... .
i can sure say to you it does get better... .its not easy... .its not fast... .but it will make you a better person... .don't give up on yourself.

they can't understand what is a feeling... .they just act on impulse... .uunderstand that you are only human and did what was possible.

[Soulcrushed4]

Are you able to call a local crisis line or your family doctor if you are considering harming yourself?

I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Try to remember that depression lies to us and things can and do change. Change is constant. I know it's almost impossible to believe at the moment but the pain will lessen as time passes.

[SuperJew82]

Hang in there, it will get better. Please reach out to a friend or family member. Reach out to your therapist and make sure they know how you are feeling so they can help. I promise you the pain will fade.

[In a bad way]

I wish I had the ability to just turn on and off. To use people and then discard without a thought and pick up the next one.

I wish my mind could change stories for my sanity... .

But I'm not built that way and I'm broken now

It was a ldr for 5 months with my discard coming on a trip with her overseas
A few emails from her after that which I didn't respond
Until early Jan and then I bit
I heard what I wanted ... .I love you I've never stopped etc
A few weeks of texts and phone calls and now nothing...

I just want to die - thoughts of her haunt me during my waking and sleeping hours
Each thought cuts like a thousand knives

I don't have it in me to endure this ... I read stories of people who are years out and still think of their ex
It's like a chronic disease you can manage the symptoms but never heal

I've been in therapy since October I've exercised meditated spent time with friends  but it doesn't help the thoughts are always there
Dreams are the worst waking up with the terrible ache

Time to get affairs in order - will, cremation service and arrangements for my dog

I only hope her replacements are stronger than I was

I've been trying to reply to your post since I first saw it but finding the right words is difficult.
I could have written it myself, I did the will and everything but couldn't do the last bit.
I am 8 months in and still feel like crap but I'm still alive, If I can you can.
I've just got back from the pub which I used to enjoy but I was bored and miserable. People say I'm not me any more and they are correct.
I'm lonely in a crowd, that crowd are my friends I've known for years but they feel like strangers.
YOU are doing better than me by seeing a therapist and meditating, I do nothing.
As I said everything I did before is not the same now, I'm lost but still breathing... .I don't know how or why, it's all emptiness.
I know how you feel I feel it everyday, as you every waking minute and in my dreams. I wake up with a panic attack and my guts churning it's a nightmare.
Just get through the day and the next, they all seem the same just one long lonely existence but I've gone 8 months and not died.

You can too.

I hope this helps.