I have cleaned up my side of the street as best I can, now to attend to my wounds. My therapist is back from vacation and we have a phone date this evening.
Foo Garden
Welcome to BPD Family!
What an uplift it is to hear that you have found a place to share your relationship with your BP partner. I sure felt that way when I got here and I wasn't even sure what BP meant.
I highlighted this line in your post because I think it is important to hold onto. I went through this same cycle with my now exuswBPD (ex undiagnosed Spouse with BPD). At times, knowing I cleaned up my side of the street, was the only thing I could hold onto with a shred of certainty about what I did and did not do.
The blaming and gaslighting got to a place where my sense of reality was deeply challenged and although I could not always adequately address what seemed to be baseless accusations; I was always sure that I was either in the process of or had cleaned up many areas on my side of the street.
As you read and learn more here you will begin to have a deeper sense of being
anchored in your own perceptions, that is a very big deal. This site can and does help with that as will your therapy.
Glad you are here, keep us posted.
Best, JRB