Wife is Codependent and I didn't want to enabler her anymore

[Queze]

 I want to make sure I'm not enabling my wife codependence. I hope to learn how to be loving and supportive and she works through this.  She has sat out counseling. She sees me as forcing her. She says everything is my fault and that she needs her space. It is so hard to see her struggle and not be able to help her. What should I be doing besides throwing myself?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Queze,



I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's very tough to see a loved one struggling, especially when we think we might be contributing to the problem.

You say your wife is codependent: what kinds of behaviors are causing the most problems?

When you say "throwing myself," I'm not sure what you mean. Could you say more?

heartandwhole

[Mutt]

 Hi Queze, 



I'd like to join heartandwhole and welcome you to bpdfamily. I hear guilt when I read your post, the disorder is not our fault and a pwBPD can't control the behaviors, it's not personal to us it's something our pwBPD are going through.

The only thing that we can control is our thoughts and feelings, we can't control our pwBPD but we can change our responses and you'll see change in the r/s which is probably something that you want?

Learn as much as you can about the disorder, you'll, quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You're not alone.


PS The lessons are on the right side of the board