BPD Wife (untreated) served Divorced petition recently

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

my BPD wife (untreated) was served divorce petition after 6month yesterday.

She abandoned me while filing some serious false police charges (arrested) and ran straight to the replacement(boyfriend). None the less we have 4 children. Everyone tried so hard to bring her back, my family, her family, and talk sense into her for not destroying her home cause there are 4lives involved.

For me and my family, the last 6months, all we got was silent treatment, not a single word/nothing but to her friends/family were told distortion/hate campaign against me how i was a terrible husband. Before leaving me, she said she don't care if she loses custody or lose the case, she will have the satisfaction of dragging me to court. she we going through a lot of rages. First 6 months she was the sweetest girl. last year it was intense push/pull behavior and her behavior was getting very erratic.

If she even comes back now, i would forgive her in a  heart beat. i loved her and still do. but the fact she cheated, that trust will never be there. thats just wishful thinking cause I'm splitted worst than the black hole and she went from a decent girl and turned into darth vader, and joined the dark side

i was broken for the first few months, due to her infidelity, i didn't see it coming. it was hard to see your wife with another man. the pain was unbearable. they even bragged about how much intimate fun they were having on social media daily, they knew i would check. but after 6months, my wounds are healing, and i can accept reality. it still hurts but I'm getting stronger. these type of things humbled you down real fast.

Here is the thing, when she was served recently. All of a sudden she posts illustration message like "never ignore a person who loves, cares and misses you. cause one day you wake up from your sleep, and realize you lost the moon while counting stars"

What do you guys think this mean? first i thought, it can't be about me, since she is so much in an idealization phase that I'm not on her radar. then i thought, maybe she posted that maybe the post is about herself, to show me like i lost something good through social media.  but I'm wondering, can the post means, that she might be having some regrets? and referring me as the ignored person who might of cared/loved?  i guess its just speculation, i wonder how would she handle the divorce.

she lost everyone over this affair (the ultimate abandonment), all her friends, family don't agree with what she has done. her dad side of family stopped talking to her. her mom side, somewhat still support her. but she lost all respect from people cause she put her affair over the need of for young beautiful children.  this affair better be worth it cause of the lost relationships. and she has to live with the fact that she did me dirty on her conscious, if they have one in the first place.

my girl seen more BPD/NPD cause i didnt see much empathy from her while living with her.

[icesoul]

my BPD wife (untreated) was served divorce petition after 6month yesterday.

She abandoned me while filing some serious false police charges (arrested) and ran straight to the replacement(boyfriend). None the less we have 4 children. Everyone tried so hard to bring her back, my family, her family, and talk sense into her for not destroying her home cause there are 4lives involved.

For me and my family, the last 6months, all we got was silent treatment, not a single word/nothing but to her friends/family were told distortion/hate campaign against me how i was a terrible husband. Before leaving me, she said she don't care if she loses custody or lose the case, she will have the satisfaction of dragging me to court. she we going through a lot of rages. First 6 months she was the sweetest girl. last year it was intense push/pull behavior and her behavior was getting very erratic.

If she even comes back now, i would forgive her in a  heart beat. i loved her and still do. but the fact she cheated, that trust will never be there. thats just wishful thinking cause I'm splitted worst than the black hole and she went from a decent girl and turned into darth vader, and joined the dark side

i was broken for the first few months, due to her infidelity, i didn't see it coming. it was hard to see your wife with another man. the pain was unbearable. they even bragged about how much intimate fun they were having on social media daily, they knew i would check. but after 6months, my wounds are healing, and i can accept reality. it still hurts but I'm getting stronger. these type of things humbled you down real fast.

Here is the thing, when she was served recently. All of a sudden she posts illustration message like "never ignore a person who loves, cares and misses you. cause one day you wake up from your sleep, and realize you lost the moon while counting stars"

What do you guys think this mean? first i thought, it can't be about me, since she is so much in an idealization phase that I'm not on her radar. then i thought, maybe she posted that maybe the post is about herself, to show me like i lost something good through social media.  but I'm wondering, can the post means, that she might be having some regrets? and referring me as the ignored person who might of cared/loved?  i guess its just speculation, i wonder how would she handle the divorce.

she lost everyone over this affair (the ultimate abandonment), all her friends, family don't agree with what she has done. her dad side of family stopped talking to her. her mom side, somewhat still support her. but she lost all respect from people cause she put her affair over the need of for young beautiful children.  this affair better be worth it cause of the lost relationships. and she has to live with the fact that she did me dirty on her conscious, if they have one in the first place.

my girl seen more BPD/NPD cause i didnt see much empathy from her while living with her.

[icesoul]

i decide to divorce her cause she refused to leave the replacement, and it got the point that i know she picked another man over me regardless of her distorted thinking. so divorce shall whats going to be cause she has to know, she can't continue to play these games thinking i will never leave her. there is a limit to everything...

[heartandwhole]

icesoul,

I can understand feeling that you've had enough. I'm sorry that it has come to this. Divorcing someone you love is very difficult, and with children even more complicated.

Have you thought about what your plan will be if she comes back?

heartandwhole

[icesoul]

icesoul,

I can understand feeling that you've had enough. I'm sorry that it has come to this. Divorcing someone you love is very difficult, and with children even more complicated.

Have you thought about what your plan will be if she comes back?

heartandwhole

i have had enough when she moved in with replacement within 2months of leaving me. it almost felt like our 7years marriage didnt exist for her to jump ship that fast.

yes brother, divorcing is hard. i thought very hard about it in the last 6months. when i saw her pictures initially within 2-3 weeks, it was the worst thing you can ever experience in life, cause i loved her a lot. sure we had our issues, arguments/disagreements but i never that she could stoop that low but i guess its life.

plus she put the 4kids life in danger by moving in a complete stranger that she met online. those are the type of impulsive behaviors put everyone in danger. plus by her putting all these sexual jokes online, I'm sure other guys are eyeing her too, which is a danger to herself as well. she doesn't understand this culture/language. she is just trying her best to fit in with the guy she moved in with and really into a bad part/neighborhood. the guy has nothing. he is now openly flirting with other girls on his social media, joking asking this other girl hinting her to join in (what a douche)

she was very reluctant to leave the replacement first 2months when everybody gave her solid advice that think of your children, this is not how she should be living etc etc. she didnt want to hear it and all she continuously lie about me abusing/beating her.

i thought about this, what if she comes back? i seriously doubt it, she seems jus too NPD for that along with BPD. look if she come back, i would want some guarantees and it would have to be on my terms. SHE WOULD HAVE TO SEEK THERAPY, 2ndly she needs to speak to legal department and try to clear my name, sign me over the children, she don't deserve them (she kept in poor conditions, all the parental alienation).

i dont think I'm capable of forgetting the infidelity but i can try to forgive, there is few things in life that you don't cross, she knew dam well what she was doing when she decided to jump in bed with him with complete disregard to our marriage. regardless of being angry/impulsive, coping mechanism, her consious had to know she was wrong.  since she went so far and broke all boundaries, i can only imagine, now it would be easier to break them again. she has to know in her heart she has F*ked up (i hope)...

 but honesty, i doubt she would ever come back, she has too much narcissistic qualities in her. when lived with her, she was extremely stubborn, uncooperative. no doubt she had good qualities too but part of her was very cold when she didnt get her way. but to answer your question, those are going to be my terms, and i wish she can get herself out this mess. i love her a lot but she forced my hand with this divorce. i just couldn't go without seeing my children any longer.

[icesoul]

Do u guys think its a bad idea to tell her family member that u will still be there if ever needed? I don't want to turn my back on her... but don't want her to take advantage now that a divorce is pending. I don't want her to think I'm weak

[Turkish]

As one dad to another,  focus on your children.  They are innocents in all of this.  She is their only mother,  but she is who she is. The best gift you can give to your children is to be who you are, detached from her,  as hard as it is at this point. 

It sounds like you may be still in love with her.  The infidelity is brutal, I know,  especially unrepentant. This is even worse when kids are involved.  As my T said,  even in the best cases, "divorce by definition is adversarial." It's time to batten down the hatches and focus on you and your kids.  

[icesoul]

Yes I hear you. Kids are innocent and they don't have a voice at the moment.they are too young 2mnth, 2,3 and 5year old. It's very sad , they living with mom's that's unpredictable and using them as pawns to hurt me. She told her friend "he will die paying me child support" . Funny how the system is built to be manipulated... but the kids def need a normal parent. She was somewhat jealous the kids loved me more thats why she alienated them ...

You got that right. I loved the woman to death and still do. I have daily dreams/nightmares about her ... I miss her a lot. But after 6months I'm stronger now and accepted I lost a person that is I'll and resents me to the max. I can't even hate her ... I have compassion for her . I can't get myself to not love her but I accepted she has moved on, no matter how terrible or abnormal her choice is. She is treating some loser guy like a husband and I'm gettin treated like I'm nothing. It hurts but it's ok. The adultery is forever imprinted in my brain but it makes you accept life challenges. I just hope I can now find someone better ... But I agree. I need to get my kids out of there ... hopefully I can nail her in family court

As one dad to another,  focus on your children.  They are innocents in all of this.  She is their only mother,  but she is who she is. The best gift you can give to your children is to be who you are, detached from her,  as hard as it is at this point. 

It sounds like you may be still in love with her.  The infidelity is brutal, I know,  especially unrepentant. This is even worse when kids are involved.  As my T said,  even in the best cases, "divorce by definition is adversarial." It's time to batten down the hatches and focus on you and your kids.  

[icesoul]

Interesting things happening ever since the divorce peition served last week

Posted a illustration "never ignore a person that loves you, cares for you and misses you. Cause one day you might wake up from your sleep and realize you lost the moon while counting the stars.
 
Also someone trying to get in my Facebook today.  Could be random thing.

Also she posted, a song that i liked, by Vanessa  carlton "thousand miles" , with lyrics like I'd walk a thousand miles to just see u tonite, I miss and I need you... erc etc... could just be just she enjoying a song

Maybe I'm disecting this a bit too much... As much as she currently hates me and idolizing the replacement, I doubt it's a beginning of subtle charm. But the divorce lingering can bring certain things to the surface. She seemed so sure of herself when see abandoned me...

Up till last week. Up to that point .All her posts were ,where she potrayed herself as a domestic victim with replacement joining in claiming he saved her . These new posts might give him some confusion as well (inconsistencies)

I miss the woman but I realize how crazy she has become.  She wasn't half bad with me. Maybe her pregnancy or her father missing has triggered something where she might never be the same any longer... what u guys make of the behavior

[Turkish]

This is a hard time,  especially given your feelings,  despite the betrayal.

My ex kind of shamed me on social media.  She was enabled by her friends.  This was over 3 yea4s ago, but I recently learned that they encouraged her to leave and find her own happiness. She's recently separated from the guy she left me for.  Reality set in after marriage and cohabitation. He got it worse then I did,  though I'm the beginning he experienced a better idealization period.

This could go on for a while. I get the confusion over things like social media.  Most of us here do. 

[icesoul]

This is a hard time,  especially given your feelings,  despite the betrayal.

My ex kind of shamed me on social media.  She was enabled by her friends.  This was over 3 yea4s ago, but I recently learned that they encouraged her to leave and find her own happiness. She's recently separated from the guy she left me for.  Reality set in after marriage and cohabitation. He got it worse then I did,  though I'm the beginning he experienced a better idealization period.

This could go on for a while. I get the confusion over things like social media.  Most of us here do. 

Yessir. I was shattered for first 6montgs like I said,but I'm ok now... I have lot of white hair popped in my beard ... things like that make you age...

Same here me wife is shaming me too on social media. Drinking, posting sexual jokes, quotes. Weird funny videos, like few bridal n engagement pages along with kids pages... she's following  weird skanky looking women. I think she's bicurious. Shes made mockery of our marriage and disrespecting me openly...

I noticed me wife loves enablers too. Her mom is an enabler herself. She added cousins ,2-3 which I'm sure doing what happened to you by telling her to leave. People don't understand the whole Dynamics and this app effect the children.

Sorry to hear about your situation. U had kids? I had great idealization period that lasted 6years. I laid strong boundaries. Of course there were red flags but she was an awesome person to be with. We were inseparable and together 247. She just got bored somewhere along the way. I remember her saying is this it. Am I gonna waste my life for these kids (so selfish), she didn't see the blessing/gift God gave her...

Yeah I'm confused by her social media behavior . That song almost sounds like it's for me... But I dont think she has a heart. She's narcassistic in nature and cold. I doubt I'm on her radar... I was think maybe just maybe, she starting to feel the void. And subtle charm might be at play here, only God knows

[Turkish]

To state the obvious, she sounds very unstable. 

While my ex was living with me,  she posted on FB a meme like,  "if you don't appreciate your woman,  she'll find someone who does." She didn't get a single like,  but she wouldn't understand that.  I blocked her on FB soon after, and we lived together for 2 more months. 

The Instability is a given,  and the pain on your side is also a given even though she is incapable of seeing it.  She's all about doing whatever she feels she has to do in order to validate herself. It sucks for you,  but do what you need to do in the meantime to do what's best for you and your kids. 

[icesoul]

To state the obvious, she sounds very unstable. 

While my ex was living with me,  she posted on FB a meme like,  "if you don't appreciate your woman,  she'll find someone who does." She didn't get a single like,  but she wouldn't understand that.  I blocked her on FB soon after, and we lived together for 2 more months. 

The Instability is a given,  and the pain on your side is also a given even though she is incapable of seeing it.  She's all about doing whatever she feels she has to do in order to validate herself. It sucks for you,  but do what you need to do in the meantime to do what's best for you and your kids. 

Yeah bro mine is unstable as hell. I wonder if she other mental issues than borderline. I'll give you some examples.

*She found these letters at door. She said someone was leaving these notes which one of them had a message "I want to touch your body, I want to meet you," at first I was like it's probably some loser. The note was written in English n our native lang. They kept on coming... She argued with me all day long g how she didn't want cameras there. (BTW I think wrote it herself now) I think she wanted my attention

*We had some construction worker at hour house fixing the roof... next day she go have you seen your speaker, I said no why, someone has poked a hole in the tweeter. Now my wife is usually not that conscious of activities around so it's hard to to believe she found that . Think she did it on her own.

*She said someone throw rock at our windows when  I'm not home ...

*We were living in a different place. She said when I leave someone knocks at our windows. I reported to  police ...

*She said our neighbor going to testify against me... and told the cops I'm a pathetic man. When I asked my neighbor she looked like she saw an alien

*She said another neighbor woman try to kiss her ... keep in mind this woman is in a church group , does not appear to be the type

*She said she went with this very same neighbor to a beach , that is not true either

*She told me my.sister daughter is dating, she is only 14. My sis was furious. All made up stories

*During arguments, one time she started beating her face with her hand, she also banged her hands on the wall or would stop eating or drinking if she didn't get her way...
 
It was always something ... this seems a bit more than borderline. Would this be considered psycotic?. I'm not sure whats wrong with her ... her mom used to beat her so bad as a child. She used to  come to college bloodied n bruised , her friends told me... her father left for and went to UK... She always missed him, he's missing for last 3-4 years.  I feel bad for her ... .My hurting the children .They need to get outta there