The final pieces...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Well, it's slowly coming to a close, but not without its fits and starts.

My uBPD/NPDex wife got my boys and my house and the week of our divorce she had her family come to town for Mother's Day weekend (yeah really to celebrate her taking our house, guess it runs in the family?) so we had a court battle as she wanted to keep me from the house even though the divorce isn't final until this Wednesday.  Well I was legally allowed to be there, but left them to there own and worked on my new house.  Then last night I went to the house to gather some of the last of our things and she has changed the locks on the house... .so I contact my attorney and he says I can take her to court as she is in contempt or if i don't really care about what's left I can just relent and be done with it... .have to say I'm so tired of the court battle I think she can have the few things that are left as I am just wore out.

Also, she keeps making claims that I've stolen things and she is going to sue me and I can unequivocally say I have ZERO of her things.  I don't know what if anything I should do or say about that, frankly I don't respond as they are just crazy claims... .more of the same from the long running smear campaign... .

I think tonight I will go by and grab my canoe and my outdoor table and chair set from the back  yard and call it good... .

We were in the house for almost 13 years so she's piled the garage full of years of junk and told me I have to clear it out... .I think I will leave it all for her to deal with... .my guess is she'll try to take me to court for leaving it... .the #$! with her, guess I'll take my chances... .

NS

[NewStart]

Well, it's slowly coming to a close, but not without its fits and starts.

My uBPD/NPDex wife got my boys and my house and the week of our divorce she had her family come to town for Mother's Day weekend (yeah really to celebrate her taking our house, guess it runs in the family?) so we had a court battle as she wanted to keep me from the house even though the divorce isn't final until this Wednesday.  Well I was legally allowed to be there, but left them to there own and worked on my new house.  Then last night I went to the house to gather some of the last of our things and she has changed the locks on the house... .so I contact my attorney and he says I can take her to court as she is in contempt or if i don't really care about what's left I can just relent and be done with it... .have to say I'm so tired of the court battle I think she can have the few things that are left as I am just wore out.

Also, she keeps making claims that I've stolen things and she is going to sue me and I can unequivocally say I have ZERO of her things.  I don't know what if anything I should do or say about that, frankly I don't respond as they are just crazy claims... .more of the same from the long running smear campaign... .

I think tonight I will go by and grab my canoe and my outdoor table and chair set from the back  yard and call it good... .

We were in the house for almost 13 years so she's piled the garage full of years of junk and told me I have to clear it out... .I think I will leave it all for her to deal with... .my guess is she'll try to take me to court for leaving it... .the #$! with her, guess I'll take my chances... .

NS

[livednlearned]

Oof, I'm so sorry NS. The indignities and injustices just keep piling up and it can feel like it will never be over.

Meanwhile, you have a new house and power tools  and a chance to rebuild a new life in a home without abuse.

If I were in your shoes, I would go beige bland neutral impassive and cut my losses. Give her no reaction if you can. She has an attorney on her payroll and is a sore winner, and it's best to put as much distance between someone like that as you can.

My ex went on a spree to keep me negatively engaged in family law court and I was too weary at the time to represent myself and had a child I was driven to protect. In your situation, it may be worth asking around to see how the judge views pro se clients (e.g. represent themselves). In some counties and family law courts, judges are very lenient with pro se clients, especially if they are being threatened with frivolous and vindictive lawsuits like the ones your ex is making.

Keep documenting.

[NewStart]

Meanwhile, you have a new house and power tools  cool and a chance to rebuild a new life in a home without abuse.

Oh yeah, the house I bought was a rental for 20 years so I've had to skim coat, sand and paint all the walls and ceilings and the to do list is EPIC, but it will be a labor of love for sure.  Funny (or sad) how my old house was finally just about done after 13 years of projects there and my uBPD/NPDex get's to reap the rewards?  The house was built in the 40's so I think she will be in for a surprise how much is really involved in keeping a place like that up.  From the yard irrigation, cleaning the gutters, trimming the bushes, weed and feed, the odd plumbing issues, the windows need some paint and glazing work, etc etc etc... .

I would go beige bland neutral impassive and cut my losses. Give her no reaction if you can.

My plan is to get the last items I care about tonight and just disappear... .unless it's court ordered, my plan is to never have contact with her again.  I guy can dream right, hahahaha!

being threatened with frivolous and vindictive lawsuits

 

I would question whether a court would even entertain any claims she would make.  Really, sue me over some plates, a concert poster (both of which are fabricated claims) and items I will leave behind, would a court really allow a case like that to even be heard?

On a real positive note, I've only been in the new house since last Friday and I can't believe how well I've begun to sleep and how AMAZING it feels to once again feel so relaxed and content without crazy in my life!

NS

[Austin53]

New Start
Grab your new life and enjoy ever second of it.  Go back with the police and your divorce agreement to get whatever you have coming per your court order. Hang on its going to be a bumpy ride, because depending on the ages of your sons you will be dealing with this till you can break all contact with her. And yes it is heriditary. Do not put yourself in a situation with her alone and get a file box just for any and all contact and documentation. Document,document,document. Every payment, every visit and every verbal tirade. Do not look at this as a win lose situation, because you have already won by breaking free. Your job now is to insure your sons grow up well adjusted and have your support. If they want to tell you about things going on at home, listen and document but don't try to explains there mothers behavior to them it will bit you in the long run. Get prepared for her to remarry as her sweet and wonderful personality is going to snatch up another victim. Unfortunately the turmoil will once again be in you sons lives and you are going to have to pick up the pieces in a calm and Documented manner. I have watched my son-n-law suffer for many years with Daily tirades at the hands of my 35 yr old daughter. Breath,stay calm and stay active with your boys. Remember it doesn't have to cost you money to stay active with your boys. They will appreciate the hands on special time with their DAD! Good luck to you

[formflier]

Did the decree say when she could change the locks?  My guess is that if it didn't, she could claim confusion, say she was really sorry... etc etc and a contempt thing would not be worth anything.

If you knew you were in the right and L was solid on that... .I'm surprised he didn't have you call a locksmith to gain entry to a house you had a legal right to be in.  Would have been cheaper than a contempt action.

However... .it would have been provocative.

I'm glad you have projects you can pour yourself into.

FF

[livednlearned]

I would question whether a court would even entertain any claims she would make.  

Court will entertain anything.

Court can tire of the frivolity. It might issue a motion for gatekeeping (only judges can move on this), which is what happened to my ex. I lost count of how many times we were in court.

The gatekeeping order did nothing to stop him. The "gate" is essentially the clerk of court, who is supposed to recognize names of people with gatekeeping orders. Apparently, the volume was too high for them to do that with any accuracy.

Once a motion gets through the system, it moves forward.  

Like FD says, it's a judicial system, not a justice system.

Your ex may be pathologically engaged at this point. The advice I received was to go neutral, blank, beige, no reaction. Totally impassive. Work out your rage or sadness or disgust or any other feelings here or with your T. If your ex feels she can rattle you with negative engagement, she may do so even if it costs her money and time.

And if that happens, it may be best to not appear in court. Let your L represent you.

LnL