I think she is finally gone for good

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've been on and off with my exBPD for about 4 years now. I feel like through it all I have always remained loyal and still helped her all I could.

She hasn't had a job in almost 4 months. Now she is totally sinking. But the thing is she hasn't even tried to help herself. Instead of focusing on getting a job she has been going out of town to see my replacement or having the replacement come to her. The new girl hasn't in anyway tried to motivate her to look for a job. Instead she has inhibited her. Telling her everything she wants to hear and how she is the love of her life. But feelings don't pay the bills. I wonder if the new girl is a bit BPD as well. Because of the way she has love bombed my ex.

Fast forward to today. My ex was supposed to finally start a new job. But now she is gone. She didn't start it. Apparently she left doing the night last night and moved off with the replacement. Not even telling me anything. Just Saturday I filled up her car with gas and got her things she needed. Now two days later she has vanished and won't speak to me.

How can they just cut people out of their lives that way. Go from being a part of your everyday life to just leaving with no goodbye. I have went through hell for her and she doesn't see it. It is never enough. I don't think she ever loved me she just loved what I could do for her. And she depleted me dry so she had to find a new well so to speak.

I have never felt so used up so hurt so broken. I knew there was something wrong with her but I still was loyal. I never put myself or my needs first. And after the countless things she has put through I was still truly there for here. Now she just goes like I never meant anything at all. I know now maybe I can finally heal but I just so betrayed.

[glaciercats]

I've been on and off with my exBPD for about 4 years now. I feel like through it all I have always remained loyal and still helped her all I could.

She hasn't had a job in almost 4 months. Now she is totally sinking. But the thing is she hasn't even tried to help herself. Instead of focusing on getting a job she has been going out of town to see my replacement or having the replacement come to her. The new girl hasn't in anyway tried to motivate her to look for a job. Instead she has inhibited her. Telling her everything she wants to hear and how she is the love of her life. But feelings don't pay the bills. I wonder if the new girl is a bit BPD as well. Because of the way she has love bombed my ex.

Fast forward to today. My ex was supposed to finally start a new job. But now she is gone. She didn't start it. Apparently she left doing the night last night and moved off with the replacement. Not even telling me anything. Just Saturday I filled up her car with gas and got her things she needed. Now two days later she has vanished and won't speak to me.

How can they just cut people out of their lives that way. Go from being a part of your everyday life to just leaving with no goodbye. I have went through hell for her and she doesn't see it. It is never enough. I don't think she ever loved me she just loved what I could do for her. And she depleted me dry so she had to find a new well so to speak.

I have never felt so used up so hurt so broken. I knew there was something wrong with her but I still was loyal. I never put myself or my needs first. And after the countless things she has put through I was still truly there for here. Now she just goes like I never meant anything at all. I know now maybe I can finally heal but I just so betrayed.

[formflier]

   

I am so sorry that you have been let down... .once again.  Betrayal is such a tough thing to work through.

What can you do to be extra kind to yourself the next day or two?  What do you enjoy doing... .but haven't gotten around to it for far too long?

I never put myself or my needs first. 

I know now maybe I can finally heal but I just so betrayed.

There are some people that can value and return the blessing that you offered... .of putting someone else first. 

I hope you can now see that your pwBPD is NOT one of those people. 

Please focus on yourself... .first... .above all others.  Best wishes on your healing.

What is the plan if your ex contacts you?

FF

[glaciercats]

Thank you form,

I think betrayal is the worst. I wasn't perfect but I don't feel I deserved this.

I have taken her number out of my phone this morning. I thought maybe if I deleted it then I wouldn't be able to text her in a moment of weakness. She isn't responding anymore anyway. She has never not responded before. So I think for now she is in the honeymoon stage with the replacement. I hope if she does contact me again I am strong enough to not respond.

[formflier]

 
It is likely that eventually your pwBPD will reach out. 

Can you make a commitment to come and post here first before responding.

I think sometimes a response is good, as long as it is healthy and comes from a place of wisdom, vice a place of FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt)

   

FF

[glaciercats]

I am a very intuitive person and this time things feel different. I am going to take this no contact as a blessing and work on me. Hopefully if she does reach out I will be a stronger person by them. But I will make sure I post my feelings here first before I respond. Thank you for listening!