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[Sprout2]

Just when I thought we were making good progress. My BPD wife (for now) and I have been doing NC for a week at a time. I work out of town and we don't talk while I'm gone - or sometimes when I am back also. She has to control her environment as part of her DBT - her words. I have not been allowed back in the house for the past 7 weeks.

I received a text yesterday that accused me of horrible untrue things. She thinks I hacked our Mac and put a ghost printer that I can monitor all the things she tries to print from a phantom IP address. I didn't even know that was a thing yet alone how to do it. She then told me I'm a Grand Narcissist bordering on a full psychopath. 

I am a codependent and have been working hard to establish my own boundaries and my Councilers are both taken back by these new accusations.  I have totally fallen into what have I done wrong mode because it's easier (and what I normally do) than to admit that the woman I love so much is freaking crazy. We have been together for almost 7 years and it has been more love and support than I could ever ask for. We were so happy together until the last 6 months. Now I see that we are close to done. As I get healthier and learn more I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. We are living separately although I cover all expenses. I just don't know when my promise of in sickness or health has reached my breaking point. I'm tired of being sad and missing her. I've felt grief like she died - which the old her has.

Anyone make it through something like this. I need some sound advice. Thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rhomer]

Hey sprout 

I can't say I've been through something specifically like this but in some ways our situations are similar. My exBPD was wonderful while we were together for the 4 years we were, but in the last month where she broke up with me it was like she had just... .died. I had never had an experience of being discarded or devalued up until then, it was tough to accept reality. I was afraid she was going to be like this forever, but overtime she started to become more like the person I knew. I don't think she is fully the same now though, she developed a key difference (believes in polyamory now) and hasn't gone back on it, so we are still not together.

I've seen through this website though that this experience is not always the same. Some BPDs seem to just change forever, completely paint their significant other black and never come back. However, what seems to be more common is that the cycle begins to occur of devaluation and idealization, which as you might already know, you are likely on the crap end of that cycle. I'm no professional help on this, but my advice would be to set your boundaries and prepare with a plan for either scenario, that she cycles back or continues to paint you black. From my experience, you don't really know which way she is going to go until the threat of fully losing you becomes a reality.

I know this is all easier said then done, I'm struggling with it too. Best of luck, you will find happiness in your future!