Staying patient

[Give me strength]

I have been married for 23 years to my BPD husband. Over the years we have known something was wrong in a big way but it was always blamed on me or others. I tried to be perfect so that when my husband would come home he would not rage on me and our boys but it was never enough. We went to several counsellors and would start the same way each time - my husband saying we had marital problems and the sessions ending with the counsellor saying that my husband had anger issues, PTSD etc. Finally one counsellor said BPD - we went home and got an audio book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". When we listened to the description of someone with BPD it was amazing - such a relief and yet such a reality check. I finally felt like I wasn't crazy after all and my husband felt like he finally had something he could work with. This all came at a point where I told him that it was over since nothing was changing so once we had the diagnosis we felt like we could at least have some answers and find solutions.
We have been working on our communication and my eyes are now open to so many BPD behaviours I see in my husband but I am exhausted. I feel like I am a good communicator and am very willing to use the techniques reccomended but at the same time I would just like to scream or cry because of the reality of it all and the constant work that goes into this. I have related to many posts I have read here but at the same time I cry because it hits me over and over that I spent so many years thinking something was wrong with me. I am definitely not perfect and have been co-dependant over the years since I always thought I could help him so am working hard on myself each day. I am trying to take time for myself and to heal but I feel like I need to tell someone my story as well - just to get it all out. I believe people with mental illness should not be abandoned so I will continue to hope for the best and do the work but I have also created boundaries and that has helped. Thank you for listening and for sharing your stories.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Give me strength,

I"m glad you have already found hope in reading through others posts. This site is very helpful in working through specific sitautions, getting advice on how to handle issues, and learning new tools to help relieve some of the pressure of living with someone with BPD. It's a hard and difficult life, but for those of us who choose to stay, we have to take care of ourselves and find ways to make things better for us.