The divorce process with BPD wife is anguish

[bitachon]

My wife murdered our marriage back in May 2015 (adultery, violence, child endangerment, false prosecution against me, theft, all of it). She filed divorce July 2015. Now it's nearly two full years later, and she's fully incapable of doing anything constructive at all. I have worked diligently to achieve a good faith settlement of everything, and she doesn't participate. She hasn't answered Discovery, she violates court orders, she's a total nightmare. We have had shared custody of our beautiful seven year old daughter since July 2015: a week with Dad, a week with Mom, in an unbroken chain that has for the most part been working well. Now, she says that it can't work for the long-term, blames me for not settling even though I've been knocking myself out to settle and she hasn't participated at all, and she has scheduled us for trial in early August. Two days after she scheduled it, she said she doesn't want to go to trial and wants to settle. Then she promised to put settlement terms in writing, but that was 2 weeks ago and she hasn't done it. I've filed a motion against her, and also served her with a deposition notice. It's all conflict, all chaos, debilitating, distracting, and expensive. --- My only request right now is for virtual hugs and emotional support. Over time, I will post specific questions about navigating a divorce and potential custody battle with a BPD. For today, I registered here to receive some empathy and kindness. - My wife cheated on me, had me arrested, endangered our child, lied about all of it and also blamed me for all of it, and to this day she is as high conflict as hell, dishonest as hell, and irrational as hell. It's ... .hell.

[CrossroadsGuyMn]

Sounds brutal brother.  I'm just starting my divorce process.

Its amazing you are able to keep your wits about you under such intense conditions.

[takingandsending]

Hello bitachon and Welcome to bpdfamily. 

Definitely sounds like you have been through the ringer - I am sorry. Divorce with a high conflict pwBPD can be really brutal, and as you have discovered, long, costly and full of blame. Probably any divorce is going to have a lot of blame, but we get the grand prize award with our ex spouses.

So, one thing that shows on the boards here is that our job is to have good focus and clarity on what we need out of the process, because, for the most part, our ex spouses only know how to detract and destroy, not create and resolve.

How is your daughter doing in all of this? And do you have support from family and friends to deal with your ongoing stress. We are definitely here on the boards to listen, help out with advice and strategy. Hoping this time in your life will come to an end soon. There are better days out there waiting.

[ForeverDad]

If you can't get information from her through discovery or interrogatories, you may need to ask the court for a Special Master.  That is a professional who is empowered by the court to get the details needed, I believe that if she's not forthcoming then the SM has authority to go to the agencies, companies, etc to get the needed data.

Sadly, though the warnings sent along with subpoenas and interrogatories list severe penalties for noncompliance, they're seldom ever enforced.  Then the lawyers just make deals or whatever and court seldom ends up addressing those non-responses.