Help with my Grandson

[lilbeth]

Good Morning,
I posted here years ago about my Daughter. She was diagnosed with BPD years ago, and now Im raising her 3 children because she cannot anymore.
She is currently in no contact and with a man 5 states away.

Her son who is 7 years old now is showing signs of BPD.
He refuses to listen to us, or teachers. I reached out starting in Jan. To the shcool, and no help yet.

So at the end of the year, the teacher started sending me angry emails. He was choosing not to listen to her or anyone at school.
I explaind this was an ongoing problem at home also, and that I reached out to his sisters therapist to get him some help.

She had the school social worker contact me and tell me shed look into it for him.

Now he started going to the nurse daily. The nurse told me, I figured he was trying to get out of class because the teacher was being strict with him.

The last day of school, child services shows at my door with the long list of complaints he was feeding this nurse, and the nurse was concerned because "She wouldnt be there to see him everyday anymore".

Ridiculous things, He had no shoes so wore his snow boots to school... he has 5 pairs of sneakers, but refuses to wear them because :they tie: and then the kids will know he cant tie.

No book bag... he has a Beautiful Batman bag from Hot topic.

We had no lights and were sleeping at different friends houses every night... Um NO she saw that wasnt true right away.

The one thing that was true and we told them, he tried to start a fire, in our house, and he got a sppanking. NOT beat but you cant reason with him, my son in law awas scared, and he spanked his butt.
WITH HIS HAND
It left a mark... so he may be in trouble for that!

So the lady said no spankings... so now how do you think the boy is acting?

Also, I recived a call from the lady... their is no referral for help for him from the school.
THANK GOD FOR EMAILS because OH YES I HAVE THEM...

He starts today with a thearapist I found on my own...

So Im Grandmom, and his sister we already know has issues, adn they team up together now.
If I give up on them, I know their lives are pretty much screwed.

BUT DO I WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS ___ AGAIN? NO

I tell them, I love them and itll kill me, but I just cant do it!
I can give them all the love and a home and fun, but I refuse.

ALSO He said he tells the stories because he likes when people feel sorry for him.
LORD GIVE ME STREGTH

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi Lilibeth

I just wanted to welcome you to the Parenting forum. I'm very sorry your daughter has gone no contact and you've now the responsibility for caring for your three grandchildren. That's a heavy responsibility to carry and I can hear your frustration. Life's just not fair and it never turns out the way we planned.

I can see your very concerned about your 7 year old. Has he received any professional assessment? It must be really frustrating for you and worrisome.

There's a lot of grandparents on the forum that will relate to your situation. You've come to the right place to be heard and understood. Reading as much as you can will help you, also to keep posting.

I just wanted to touch base with you and say Hi.

Hugs

LP

[lilbeth]

Thank you for reaching out!
Yes we go today!
I had asked the school because they have an outside lady who come sin for his sisters counseling.
But looks like they dropped the ball and never put in the request.

I hope they can help him find other ways for attention.

We love all of them, I just cannot allow myself to go through much more of the drama, and Im drawing that line early... letting them all know, I love you but I cant live this again.

Their choice how they proceed!

[wendydarling]

Hi lilbeth 

I join Lollypop in welcoming you back, I'm glad you've reached out for support to help you through.

All kids deserve a loving environment, I'd do exactly what you are if in your position, it's hard!. Hopefully the school will get on track, less ball dropping. It's tough, we know more and it takes time for people/services to catch us up.

At 6 I played with fire in the garden in my Sunday best all alone, beautiful white ankle socks on fire, I threw them in the fire. As children we are inquisitive, all those what ifs. Learning about the danger of fire is important - perhaps your SIL taking his son to an open day with the fire brigade may help him learn and them to heal their traumatic moment, smack? Kids love learning about policemen, firemen, nurses, doctors, helps us feel secure, safe.

I'm glad your son in law is in their lives, with you - are his family there for him and you? Are you finding time to self care?

Look forward to moving forwards, we are here.

WDx