Just my little 4 decade and 1/2 story

[A Different Me]

Aloha !

New to here, but have been on a few other boards.
Mother is a DBPD, Sister DBPD, Father PTSD and possible PD, 1 X UBPD, 1X Narc-
Past jobs: Post Office, Air Traffic Control, ER Nurse and now I review ER Charts for payment-
A little history as well: I received by Bachelors in less than 11 months and my Masters in less than 10 months , went back to back (not bragging at all)
All this accumulates to is 45 year life of High Stress, Trauma, Betrayal Bonds, Biophysical reactions to PTSD day visions, Trauma Addiction, feeding off anger- etc etc .
I started to self actualize around age 40, and after a few really horrible experiences- I am on the later end of the mend- still have some work to do with PTSD when stressors hit me I need about 2-3 days away from work before I'm back to being able to work with a clear cognitive ability.

Sometimes I think I have it all together- others times I think I'm to hard - I went totally NC on 2 of my Xes, and put what they did expose them- one on a national level because she got pregnant with the guy she was supervising in a Government job while we were living together and I was paying all the bills. She told me she wasn't pregnant , told the other she was but she had a miscarriage two weeks before the abortion bill came to my address after she moved out- she was getting sympathy for a miscarriage that never happened- gas lighting me- just a gnarly bad trip. She ended up having another child 6 weeks ago- not sure how I actually feel about that- I think more happy knowing it isn't me locked in with her for 18 years, but sad in a way a life I may have created was discarded- difficult processing on that.

I am on the later end of the mend- the flashbacks are gone- I have a healthy partner who is my friend first and supportive of me, validates me, encourages me.
I really started cutting my circle smaller and smaller, I have two friends I consider family. NC with my sister, hard boundary settings with my family and I just ignore any person with PD characteristics, passive aggressive or manipulates including work.

I am a full 100% advocate of NC. I come across very direct at times.
Thank for reading and I look forward to connecting with you.

[Harley Quinn]

Hello A Different Me and welcome to Detaching 

Glad you found us.  This is a very caring community.  You'll find the articles, lessons and tools on the site are all well grounded and useful if there are topics you'd care to explore further.

My heart goes out to you regards the false miscarriage.  I can imagine how hurt and angry you must have felt when you discovered it and it is no wonder your recollections are tinged with sadness over the event.  How long were you with this woman and when did it end?   

Sorry also to hear about your ongoing PTSD.  Are you getting professional support with this?  It sounds to me like you have a clear understanding of what you've encountered over these decades, plenty of lived experience along with self awareness and have clearly come a long way.  Thanks for sharing.  How best can we support you on the board?

Love and light x