Day 1 road to freedom

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I did it. i filed for divorce. As I told my story to the lawyer, I realized how obvious it is. Would I want my daughter to be in this mess or a friend? He agreed that his my husbands behavior is abusive and he does it to me because he can and it won't stop unless I put an end to it. So, I gave him my credit card and he took the $5,000 retainer fee. Being too honest and upfront, I texted my husband to tell him I had filed and that he'd be served sitihib the month.  He texted back asking if we could mediate instead. I reminded him that we tried that and the mediator dismissed us because our case is not one of amicable dissolution. He said I could try another mediator. I FINALLY didn't ask but told him that I'd be going with the lawyer as I had said. Splitting, forgetting, hateful to the end.

[Karmajoy]

I did it. i filed for divorce. As I told my story to the lawyer, I realized how obvious it is. Would I want my daughter to be in this mess or a friend? He agreed that his my husbands behavior is abusive and he does it to me because he can and it won't stop unless I put an end to it. So, I gave him my credit card and he took the $5,000 retainer fee. Being too honest and upfront, I texted my husband to tell him I had filed and that he'd be served sitihib the month.  He texted back asking if we could mediate instead. I reminded him that we tried that and the mediator dismissed us because our case is not one of amicable dissolution. He said I could try another mediator. I FINALLY didn't ask but told him that I'd be going with the lawyer as I had said. Splitting, forgetting, hateful to the end.

[Aiming4Kindness]

CONGRATS! Proud of you.

Way to hold strong on not going back to mediation.  You're a role model for me.

[Herodias]

Good for you. Remain strong, I told my lawyer too much and looked crazy myself. Don't let the lawyer get away with making you the one who gives in, I made that mistake. We are still battling 2 and a half years later. Don't talk to you stbx any more. I found I was giving mine a heads up and screwing myself. Leave it to the lawyers now, but be strong with them. Be careful how much you say or it will cost allot more money than you can imagine. Mine is finally listening to me, because I have lost so much. You have to be a few steps ahead of any games they play. I found that faster I could get things done, the better. Unfortunately  my lawyer did the opposite. Be smart.

[Karmajoy]

Day 2- weepy. Teacher and home alone so it's hard not to think about it. Saw therapist and she asked me if I was afraid he might try to kill me or himself. He's been raging and threatening divorce for 6  years and was a quiet and passive aggressive controller before that. Have tried it all. Last year he wanted to do divorce mediator and then said that he'd get together with me every Sunday at the diner to discuss our marriage problems if I cancelled the mediation so I did. Then  when the discussions didn't happen, I asked him and he said he never said this. I told my lawyer and he said I can't do any more. 27 years wasted. Trying to clean out house and get ready for sale and terrified of how he will rage when he realizes how much this will cost. Suggested married but living separate for years. His hatred for me/ his mother is absolutely horrifying and anxiety inducing.

[forlorn]

You are amazing!  I'm sure the weepiness is to be expected.  27 years is a long time to be in a relationship.  But I bet it feels even longer when you are sharing your life with a pwBPD (did I use that abbreviation correctly?) who is not addressing his or her problem.  This is not a knee-jerk decision, from what I've read in your post.  It's well considered, over a long period of time, after having done a myriad of things to try to make things work. I so admire you for taking control of your life.  And way to go, modeling how to take care of your own emotional needs to your daughter!

I'm not there yet.  Trying to get there, for sure, but a long way to go.

Wishing you strength.

[Karmajoy]

Day 3-had to travel with him and daughter for medical stuff for her. They are happy as can be and he's so charming and pulling his emotional incest clinging crap whenever he can. No conversation about selling the house and the enormous financial hit we will take, nor feelings, nothing. Daughter, despite the fact that she knows he's emotionally abusivecto me, age 18, is mad at me for being a DEbbie DOwner. I hope she isn't BPD! So, I left hotel room and am reading a book outside. Depressed st how heartless and cold and robotic he is and the inability to have any kind of realistic conversation. Mad at myself for ruining my life and avoiding the red flags. Furiousctoo that he continues with covert incest after I have told him it will ruin her relationships with men and if he lloves her so much, to stop. He cares more about his need to desperately cling to acceptance and support than to care for her mental health. Can't wait for time to pass!

[Karmajoy]

Day 6- He's cold and silent. I explained covert incest to her without using the ten and told her that while I couldn't get him to stop inviting her into his bed, I wanted her to stop doing that now that she's an adult. If the other adult doesn't get it, maybe she does and can help herself. I talked about how happy I am that he gets along well with her and her brother. It explained that he's emotionally abusive to me. I gave some examples. She believed me. It's so nice to talk to someone who doesn't split or project. I asked her to be respectful of me in front of him especially because sometimes she isn't and the same of her brother.

It breaks my heart that we are breaking the family up. She said that of all apple, I get along with anybody. I could be married to anybody and make it work. I just happened to pick an incredibly difficult out controlling guy. I see too that he's been planning the exit for at least the last three of the so. Years that he's been threatening to divorce me only change his mind and tell me he loves me. He has these adult kids, 18 and 21, so reliant on him and so conditioned to appreciate him. He packs their suitcases, does their laundry, picks their college classes and orders their books, brings her breakfast in bed. My worry is when he paints them black because they. An no longer fill his insatiable need for attention. I won't miss the control, abuse or the disrespect. I have never been alone and I'll be an empty nester but I think I'll enjoy the silence.