I have been reading posts,books,etc but have important ques

[Radcliff]

Hello FedUp,

With the cards, I wouldn't overdo it.  Asking to get along in a card may sound like an expression of weakness to her.  Probably a good idea to give her a card (I put them in my wife's luggage, as she's said it would be nice if I did that sometime) and just play it straight -- tell her you'll miss her and hope she is having a wonderful time.  But don't expect to get credit for it, or look for approval.  Just confidently do the right thing, and maybe it will help.

The behavior around your son is potentially concerning.  It's hard to gauge on a messageboard, hearing things second hand.  I don't want to raise unnecessary alarm on the one hand, or play it down too much on the other hand.  The worst case scenario is not good, with possibly serious impact for your son.  The best advice I can think of is to find a therapist you can talk to who is professionally trained and can take the time to fully understand the situation and advise you.  I would not ignore this situation or try to deal with it without help.