So many questions...

[TiredOfWalking]

Hi everyone,
I am completely new to the world of BPD in a clinical sense. I have known there was something "wrong" with my mom, but it wasn't until I visited a therapist recently that I had a potential explanation for her behavior. She recommended that I read STOP WALKING ON EGSHELLS, and in the 2 days since my trip to the therapist I've finished it. And WOW it has opened my eyes. However, I'm not convinced that my mom suffers from BPD. She certainly exhibits a lot of the characteristics, but some of the main ones such as being very quick to anger/enrage and fluctuating between idealization and devaluation don't seem to fit her at all (I have never felt anything but love from my mom, often times it has been smothering). She is very quick to cry, and guilt me, she's always tried to make me feel a little insecure about my friends and even more recently my husband. She loves to play the victim and nothing is ever her responsibility. She is in debt to the point of foreclosure because of her ridiculous spending habits and she has been drinking and taking pain medication for as long as I can remember. Some of our biggest disagreements have been about me moving out when I went to college and moving away when my husband got a job out of state.
In reading the book and becoming more familiar with the characteristics of people with BPD, I am absolutely convinced that my stepdad and my sister have it although neither have been diagnosed. They both fit the criteria to a tee and the biggest question I'm left with is this... .considering my mom and stepdad have been married for 28 years and my sister has been having BPD behaviors for at least the past 10 years, is it possible that the years of emotional abuse (which I have witnessed first hand and it is bad. I no longer have much of a relationship with either my stepdad or my sister) have lead to my mom having these issues that are now driving me crazy to the point of needing to see a therapist. Or is it possible that they all have BPD and my mom is just experiencing it in an unconventional way.
Thanks in advance for anything anyone is willing to offer.

[Kwamina]

Hi TiredOfWalking and welcome to bpdfamily

BPD is a difficult disorder and can manifest itself in various ways. Not all people with BPD behave the same way and not all of them necessarily exhibit all the main traits associated with BPD.

I no longer have much of a relationship with either my stepdad or my sister) have lead to my mom having these issues that are now driving me crazy to the point of needing to see a therapist. Or is it possible that they all have BPD and my mom is just experiencing it in an unconventional way.

Do you have any recollection of how your mother behaved before she was married to your stepdad? Did she already exhibit any traits back then which you now would classify as BPD-like?

How would you say your mother's behavior has developed during her 28 year marriage to your stepdad? Do you feel like her behavior is becoming increasingly problematic or was it like this from the very start of her marriage?