18 yr old daughter

[exhausted98]

We have a cycle of fighting. Last 4-5 yrs she has changed from what was a typical kind hearted teen into a lying manipulating impulsive attention seeker. Its hard to take her anywhere. she moved out 3 days after 18th bday. part of me was afraid for her to turn 18. I kept thinking wow... .we only have so many months to get this under control. then as it got closer i would think oh thank god she will be 18 and not our responsibility anymore. her lack of morals shocks me. i have grown to hate her the way she says she hates me. she wants to come home but there is no way i can deal with her. and i am just as bad. we say things that are so mean and heart breaking. i dont know sometimes if it will or can be repaired. will this be something we look back on some day and say wow, we made it through all of that. or will we hate each other forever. what happened to the baby girl i brought home and was so proud to show off. she disappeared into makeup, boys, drugs, alcohol. we have tried treatment centers, meds. she wont stay on anything. we have had one on one therapy, family therapy. she is always complaining of an ailment. I get so down that I can barely cope. My body shuts down. I want to sleep the day away. Im exhausted.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi exhausted98

Welcome to bpdfamily   I'm glad you found us and sorry what your dealing with your daughter, it's very stressful, you get so down you can barely cope, it's exhausting.   Our self-care is important, have you considered a course of counselling for you? Talking to a real person who understands can help us at these difficult times.

It’s important you step out of the cycle of fights for your own good, you can do that. At the top of the parent’s board is a post called Lessons: what a parent can do, lesson 3 includes what we can do to step out the conflict dynamic. Have a look. Do the cycle of fights you describe take place at times when your DD is dysregulating?

Why does your DD want to come home, how long has she lived independently?

Small steps exhausted98 

WDx