Been with him for 5.5 yrs, this is new in last 10 months...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

HI, well, I am at a lose.  Truely.  This new person (it is my Husband, not another person, just feels like another person) came out 10 months ago.  My Husband was once my Angel and now I fear him.  He seems to go from psychosis, to paranoia, to wow, to Mars and back!  When he is normal he is amazing.  This new guy acts opposite, seems like a monster that makes no sense at all.  We just found out we're pregnant and it has not slowed his 'fits' down.  This is our first kid and we're 37.  I really need to know if he is in this or not because so far he is not.  Last week he did say he will try to work on it.  So, what does that mean?  I just have no experience with this mental disorder and he's always attacking me, illogically, like insanity.  Is it possible to help him, or how does he heal, what can I do?

[AngelBuds]

HI, well, I am at a lose.  Truely.  This new person (it is my Husband, not another person, just feels like another person) came out 10 months ago.  My Husband was once my Angel and now I fear him.  He seems to go from psychosis, to paranoia, to wow, to Mars and back!  When he is normal he is amazing.  This new guy acts opposite, seems like a monster that makes no sense at all.  We just found out we're pregnant and it has not slowed his 'fits' down.  This is our first kid and we're 37.  I really need to know if he is in this or not because so far he is not.  Last week he did say he will try to work on it.  So, what does that mean?  I just have no experience with this mental disorder and he's always attacking me, illogically, like insanity.  Is it possible to help him, or how does he heal, what can I do?

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome AngelBuds ,

I'm sorry to hear that things have changed recently in your relationship. It's so hard to figure out how to respond to your spouse when you don't know what kind of mood he will be in from one moment to the next. Could you share something that has been causing him to dysregulate lately and how you respond to him?

For you, you might want to begin learning everything you can about BPD. Your H may never get better. There is no cure for BPD. You can't force him to get treatment. THe only thing that you can change is you and your response to him. One way to do that is to begin learning new communication skills to help him feel like he is being heard and to set up clear boundaries. To get you started we have a lot of great workshops and lessons on the right side of the page. Here is a link to one of our workshops on the Dos and Don'ts of BPD:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0

[AngelBuds]

What triggers him?  Everything and nothing.  Especially happy, celebrations, birthdays, wedding anything, to real life stressers like being injured on the job and no income right now.  I could spend one minute too long on laptop looking at baby stuff and he flips.  This morning he rubbed my back and flipped out.  Why?  I dunno.  But it was a roller coaster of hate towards me for no good reason... .I mean, there is no good reason to hate on your pregnant wife.  I am left either sitting quietly as he goes on insanity rollercoaster rides for hours or I defend myself and he becomes handsy which one day will lead to physical violence.  Theres no reasoning with him, no logic, no rhyme or reason.  How do you defend insane stories and comments?  I am tired of his abuse and him not seeking help as he said he would.  I have 2 lives to protect now.  I finally told him I am not taking his abuse anymore and leave.  He got some clothes and moved into my parents guest house.  I think he's happier when I tell him to leave cus them I am the bad guy and he LOVES being the victim, like his heart beat depends on it.  And anything I said to him, he throws it in my face like he is saying it to me.  Example: the other day I told him he doesn't talk to me anymore, he talks AT me.  So, today, what's one of the many gems he threw at me while attacking?  I now talk AT him and not to him.  Sigh, which is not true, he just has NOTHING against me so he parrots things I say to him; I'm trying to help him, and he just trying to hurt me but has no ammo or words of his own because it all imaginary stuffs in his head, wow... .nothing close to the man I married. 

What triggers him... .a shorter list is what does not trigger him.  Complete stranger, I now locked him out, and am pretty sure I am not going to stay with a man I do not know, is abusive, and refuses to attempt to get help because everything is the worlds fault, not his, he is perfect man, and everyone owes him alot.  Imagination land... .maybe it's not BPD?  Maybe something more critical?  It seems for 10 months now, a body snatcher has him, and for a few minutes a day, sometimes a couple hours a day, I get to speak to the host, which was my Husband. 

I am now seeking help for pregnant and poor women.  So humiliating, and there is not much in the way of help for ppl like me.  I had income, just lost it when he got injured on job.  One week later, I am pregnant.  This is the opposite of everything I planned for in my life---he is complete opposite of man I married.  My Angel is now what I fear. 

Thanks for the link.  Any resources for pregnant and alone let me know, as I have been scouring the inet since I was told I am pregnant and he is still acting insane, and have not found much... .which is sad right there.