Dad/daughter

[LifeinOZ]

I'm struggling with a situation that I can't even believe is really happening. It started a few months ago when my stepdaughter told my husband she was hurt that he would even consider walking his sister down the aisle at her wedding. Over the next few months, we tried to convince her this had nothing to do with her, it didn't "ruin" her own wedding that happened nearly 3 years ago. She spins it into this big thing that this her dad's big chance to finally make up to her all of that she missed by her being raised only by her mother - and now he's blowing it by showing this same attention to her aunt (who she has also named lots of resentment for). Now, her aunt, her cousin and she are fighting, she is blaming my husband for all of that too because he should step in and defend her. She says we are all judging her and being self-righteous.

Does this make any sense to anyone?

I've been with my husband for 15 years, I came in the picture when she was 18 and she has manipulated and controlled and caused lots of issues in the past, but never to this degree. We have seen a counselor who of course can't officially diagnose but has told us it sounds very much like borderline personality disorder.

My husband is at the end of his rope, he tries to reason with her and she yells and screams and now hasn't spoken to him for more than a week.

I appreciate any words of advice. THANK YOU in advance!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[WildernessMan]

LifeinOZ -

Sounds complicated. I have a daughter who was diagnosed with severe BPD at 18 yrs old. She's now 21. It was hard to accept. Mostly though, her behavior was all over the place.

Does she have serious social issues with others her age? Our daughter did.

Does she do drugs that you know of? Ours did.

Does she steal and/or lie? See others' belongings as being her own, with no boundaries when it comes to property? Our daughter did.

These are some good signs of BPD in someone younger. As a person gets older the symptoms change.    

[LifeinOZ]

WildernessMan,

She lies, she doesn't steal (that I know of).

She knows no boundaries or limits of what she will do to get her way. Her behavior is for sure all over the place. Once she decides she's not mad about one thing, she will pick another thing somewhat related and explode all over again.

[WildernessMan]

The approach we used is just don't argue with her. We always made a statement, backed off and allowed her to respond. If she got mad we would leave it alone for a few hours or days and then attempt to discuss again. Repeat if that doesn't work the first time. 

If you try and argue, they get totally out of hand. That's my experience.

Try reading "Stop Walking of Eggshells". Or a title similar to that. Good book with insights that help.