grief

[Ihavehope2]

Hi, I have a 20 year old daughter who has BPD traits and her illness is fracturing our family. We will be discussing this potential diagnosis with her doctor this Friday. My husband and I are grieving the daughter we once had and feel that we may have lost her forever. We are so fearful for her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Wanttounderstand]

Ihavehope2 - it sounds like you are at the beginning of dealing with a daughter with BPD. On one hand understanding BPD will help you realize that others are going through this as well, and you are not crazy. On the other hand you are embarking on a very tough journey. There are coping mechanisms to learn on this site and ways for you still live your life. None of it is easy or what we were hoping for in raising our daughters, but it is what it is... .we just have to gain a safe prospective where we protect ourselves and learn how to handle triggers that set off rages.

I'm sorry that you are yet another parent dealing with BPD but you are not alone.

[helpingmyson]

Hi. It's a very understandable reaction. I have a son with BPD and as his father I remember having similar feelings when he flunked out of college at age 20, and we realized something was seriously wrong. I think I mainly mourned the loss of what I had hoped/expected him to become.

That was 7 years ago. He has made some progress. For example, no suicide attempts in 5 years. There is no impulsive, chaotic behavior any more. He sees a therapist. He has a long way to go to be self sufficient. but I am grateful he is safe and not out on the street.

My advice is to try to learn as much as you can about BPD and what triggers your daughter. Also, to always understand that her feelings are real from her perspective, even if the cause seems silly or uncalled for.