uBPDxw recently struck s5 face on a visit.

[MarkTwain]

Trying to assess options and course of action at the moment... .

uBPDxw recently struck s5 face on a visit.

2 hours later after visit, after realizing something was wrong - and finally noticing the redness... .Then getting him to a doctor It was still evident to the doctor. So it wasn't a minor tap... .

He's being pretty tight lipped - doesn't know why doesnt remember. He says it wasn't an accident, that's about all we've gotten from him... .

I now know, she's going through some major issues. No excuse but still, somewhat explains.

Yes family services, police, lawyers, protection orders are in place. We followed the protocol to the letter. (This isn't the first incident)

Trying to wrap my brain around what's appropriate, supervision is clearly required during parenting time - requests that kept getting denied. Lawyer wants anger management parenting courses etc - but I'm not so sure that will be effective. As it doesn't deal with the root cause.

Can we force diagnosis and treatment of the BPD? Thoughts as to what's reasonable, effective and likely to be granted in this type of scenario.

Thoughts or advice?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi MT,

That's very distressing for you and your son.  Have you asked your Lawyer if they could request a psych eval?  It might well depend on whether there are sufficient grounds through supporting evidence of your ex's behaviour and medical history to warrant one.  I'd suggest that a post on Family Law, Divorce and Custody could be worthwhile to see if anyone there has had a similar situation. 

I'm much relieved to hear that you have taken all the appropriate steps and I'm hopeful that this will lead to positive outcomes for your family.  Stay strong for your son.  He needs plenty of love, stability and security.  It may be worth looking into some counselling for him, perhaps through school?

Love and light x 

[MarkTwain]

I kinda flipped flopped around which one to post in. Moving is ok by me if a mod wants.

Sadly this is just part of an long ongoing escalation. But first time theres been visible physical evidence. As she gets more frustrated and fails in court - we see an escalation in behavior. She got the door slammed in her face at our latest court appearance, judge was tired of her talking over everyone and snide comments. And I believe my sons lawyer did similar when she tried to use him for legal advise and pulled the women should stick together against abusive men crap.

Bilateral is in the works, ordered but stuck on getting specific judicial sections, forms, forms of order, etc and all that fun stuff that makes 0 sense to me. Told it should be done for our year away trial date... .

[Turkish]

You reported in the past.  CFS is involved,  but you said previously that they are more stuck on exBPDw's claims against you.  Did you also document it? What did the Dr.  say?

[MarkTwain]

Doctor documented red swollen right cheek & abrasion

"Pt was reluctant to disclose beyond Mommy hit me and it was not an accident."

Report was made 2 hours after visit. That concerned him, pics were taken as the redness did have a defined shape.

I'm hoping CFS gets involved, police took it seriously (and that it was still visible in the morning - helped). See what this week brings.

But that said, I figure its all on me in the courts to prove beyond reasonable doubt that something's very wrong here. They always seem to give her more chances.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you did your due diligence.  The kids told me last night for the third time that mommy pinched D5 on their San Diego vacation last month hard enough to draw blood  (due to her nails). In California where I am,  leaving a mark constitutes legally defined abuse. They told me after it happened after there was nothing to document, but this is still on their minds.  At this point,  my concern is more to talk to them. 

How are you handling your son?

[MarkTwain]

I'm not sadly.

When visits go bad, my partner hears about it and the giveaway is usually I'm avoided/ignored/etc.

Thankfully she trash talks me more than my new partner. And due to the issues - she's his safe person, my ex and my new partner will never be allowed to be in the same space. Will never talk, will never comunicate. In my sons world my new partner is never involved in any way with my ex. Psychologist recommended it, so he's always got a safe adult who's not part of the conflict and it seems to work.

He's understandably all over the place. Right now just doing kid gloves, positive reinforcement, focusing on the routines.

Psychologist tomorrow, maybe she'll have some ideas, he's farther off than ever. Worries me but, yeah - I'm in the conflict hes avoiding me. About the extent of our contact was he must have overheard or linked stuff and figured out I was in court, once I assured him we would keep him safe and no visits with mommy for a while; and he went back to being 5 and ignoring me... .Lol

[ForeverDad]

My impression from years here and my own experiences is that domestic courts and the agencies associated with it are less inclined to 'fix' the misbehaving parent than to address them they way they are and so a common response is to set limits.

One approach is they determine whether to limit contact with the children until they get counseling or therapy.  There are some parents here whose ex-spouses were told to complete therapy and get the therapist's approval before resuming parental contact or dropping the supervised restrictions.  Other parents had agencies who were very reluctant to view the problems as "actionable".

That seems to be where you are, agencies or professionals see issues but not yet deemed as to the point of being actionable?  Please continue reporting, otherwise there is real risk they will let it fall between the cracks.

[MarkTwain]

Still stuck in hell.  Court Friday left us still under a interim no contact order. Even though the PO was attached and included our address and the stalking has begun anew.  

UBPDxw Told my sons lawyer who's only interest is his best interests - to go f herself. After court while trying to arrange some continued visitation under supervision.

Agencies are all still doing initial intake work. Yep 9 days in now.  

Love this system.

My stress and anxiety has gone through the roof again, barely functioning without massive meds. Can't do anything to protect anyone, my hands are tied on every front. All I can do is sit and wait - but I can't sit and wait, just creates time to stress. PTSD "like" nightmares are back - so sleeps not happening again. Love this vicious circle.

[Turkish]

Is the stalking violating the order? How are you and your son safe right now?

[MarkTwain]

Nope, nothing to stop her from being in the area as long as she doesn't come in contact with son.

Protection right now is a big dog. Who luckily doesn't know her, and is quite well tuned into his packs emotions.

The puppy has a serious protection drive, any fear in the house and the dog turns into cujo.

S5 had some fear related to police due to other issues with xw - at least now puppy recognizes when only a child is scared - he needn't get protective.