mother of daughter with BPD - years of heartache and a living hell

[rusty baker]

i have a 41 year old daughter recently diagnosed with BPD. she has exhibited many forms, characteristics of mental illness, from anxiety , depression, mood swings , cant keep a job, cant complete an education aspirations, anger, rage, constantly moving, lieing, causing drama, the list could go on an on. my mental health is affected... .i am also the primary care giver of my daughters child, my granddaughter, who is preschool age. i am hoping to gain more tools to effectively manage my life, in order to be able to look after my granddaughter.  i was in a dark place the past four or five days, wondering what life really is all about. i found this site an hour ago. i reached out to a support group person this morning. problem being, I'm looking for a place to sit and listen and share in a group setting in my community. i have not been able to find this. thank you for taking the time to read my post.
R. Baker

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Welcome and hello  

I'm glad you found the site and sorry for the pain and suffering that brings you here.

Parenting a child with BPD can be, like you said, filled with heartache. Many of the behaviors and other mental illnesses you mention are common to people with BPD, which means families experience them alongside their loved ones. I have read that the emotional burden for BPD caregivers is among the highest of all other mental illnesses, including schizophrenia.

There are skills that can be learned -- many of them are not intuitive, and require a lot of practice and patience.

How is your granddaughter doing? I imagine she must be affected by her mom's behaviors too.

What is one of the aggravating behaviors you are dealing with at the moment? Maybe we can walk with you and share things that have worked.

In the meantime, hugs to you for what you're dealing with on a daily basis. It's so hard, and our hearts can truly feel like they're breaking. Have you searched to see if there is a NAMI support group near you? Or maybe a NEA-BPD Family Connections group in your area? I tried to find one two years ago and recently they reached out, much to my surprise, since so much time had passed. From that group, I have discovered many other resources in my area, including DBT skills for families and a support group that meets once weekly. Hopefully there will be something like that close to you. And if you aren't able to find something right away, there are wonderful people here who know what you're going through.

You are not alone.

 

LnL