Fits of Rage

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just read something a member posted about pwBPD not remembering what they say/do during their fits of rage. My BPD mother definitely did this, and my BPD little sis seems to follow this track too... .flies off the handle over literally nothing, then silent treatment, then comes back & acts like nothing happened. Just curious how many others have this experience with your BPD family. Do you think they really don’t remember, or are just unable to cope with the horror they cause?

[Charlie3236]

I just read something a member posted about pwBPD not remembering what they say/do during their fits of rage. My BPD mother definitely did this, and my BPD little sis seems to follow this track too... .flies off the handle over literally nothing, then silent treatment, then comes back & acts like nothing happened. Just curious how many others have this experience with your BPD family. Do you think they really don’t remember, or are just unable to cope with the horror they cause?

[evanescent]

Difficult to say. Some may block or deny.

I think my deceased uBPDw had the best memory on the planet when it came to what people said however even while she was raging. So not sure if that is guaranteed with the territory.

The flipping from rage to nothing however is textbook.

[TN_TX17]

Can't even begin to tell you how true the rage fits are. My BPDw will start slow and build to a crescendo of cussing like a sailor in about 30 sec. It is such a common trait in BPD sufferers that it is almost like the determining factor in a diagnosis. I am generalizing of course.

My BPDwgot made at me while I was putting together a dog kennel. We were just talking and she asked a question and I answered it. She always starts with, "don't raise your voice at me". I would say I am not raising my voice and the fight with her was on.

Then mine will stand and argue with herself, that is what I call it, for 10 mins telling me all the things I have done wrong in the conversation and how I did this and that, which when I try to speak then I am just arguing with her. The funny, but not so funny part, is, I hadn't spoke one word the whole time.

One time I asked her if she was done arguing with herself because I hadn't said anything in 15 mins and you just keep trying to prove your point... I also have cut her off to tell her I understand what she is saying and that I just don't want her to wind herself up and get upset anymore than she is now. It actually worked and we finished with our conversation and avoided the inevitable fight that was about to start.

Good luck

[Struggles]

My husband and I are grappled with the same question.  His mother will fly off in fits of rage.  The last instance my husband told her that we (meaning his siblings, myself and their spouses) are getting very sick of her manic episodes and fits of rage.  The way she responded was "I've always been that way".  Then later that same evening when she blocked me in a bathroom and grabbed my arm she acted like she didn't know the things she had said and done the past few weeks before that night and in her words was just "reeling" at what she could have done. 

In the past we have told her to go back and look at the texts she sent, but she uses the excuse that she deleted them?  Why, unless you didn't want to face all the horrible things you have said? 

Apart of us thinks she knows what she has said and done, and then apart us wonders if she really does. 

The thing is, she has extremely good memory and can tell you things that happened 40 years ago. 

Also, when she lies and starts the smearing campaign on someone (this time around it's me), it's not something that just happens one day.  It goes on and on.  So we don't know if she truely believes the things she is saying when she is lying or if she knows they are lies and just doesn't care. 

It's so exhausting!

Can't wait to hear others chime in as well on this.

[Fie]

Hello Charlie3236 

There's another post going on about this topic, so I'd thought to give you the link :

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=316474.0

[Nadnareek]

I find I have to leave or just not talk. If I am serially verbally assaulted, I will leave that location but say for how long. The negativity toward me is constant these days. I welcome all suggestions. She is away at the moment but is highly offended whenever she is here if I am on the computer.

[Stolen]

xW, in the end times, spit out at me: "For 20 years I haven't been allowed to be angry!"

Ummm - that was the single biggest issue we had, her dysphoric fits of rage that had trivial or unidentified triggers.  "Level 10" crescendos that would leave her limp like a washrag, never to be discussed again.

I think she believed all the words she spoke, nobody could be that good an actor.

[Pilpel]

My my experience and from reading people's stories here, rage and not owning it seems to be really common with pwBPD.  The last time my SIL raged at me, a couple months ago, it felt like I got hit by a wave. And I have no doubt that if I asked her memory of what happened, she would say that I was the one who was being toxic and she's righteous.  When she's raging she seems to feel entitled to rage.  But then she completely dissociates from it, as if it was something outside of her. And anyone bothered by it is over-reacting.  However if you respond back or defend yourself in any way, that is perceived as hostile.