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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: From Bad to Worse  (Read 1831 times)
Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7502



« Reply #30 on: November 02, 2017, 03:29:29 PM »

Cole, it sounds like you’ve got the perfect counselor. I lived with a fireman and I was a volunteer EMT, so I’ve got a tiny bit of understanding about what you folks who serve and protect us go through.

Yes, you took care of the practical stuff, and I bet you were so busy taking on more responsiblity than was your share. She probably had a lot of expectations for you about supporting her emotionally in ways that a non wouldn’t have needed. It seems so many of us who get tangled up in these BPD relationships are put into so many roles at once: lover, spouse, parent. Those of us who are rescuers, helpers, fixers, nurturers, often seem to find these damaged people who “need” us and who often don’t support us in the same ways.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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