Father has BPD traits

[daughterf222]

I am an adult female and have been having issues with my father for the past 4 or 5 years. He has been trying to control the people I associate with because in his mind they have hurt him, but in reality the things he say has happened never did. I have been isolated from social interactions/events for several years because if I spoke to these people he is angry with, he would have extreme outbursts of anger toward them and I am afraid of what he will do to them. I have developed several health issues over the years because of the stress he has caused. After all of the things he has done, I still feel guilty because I don't want to hurt him and I question myself constantly if I'm wrong to think the way I do. I feel so helpless. I feel whatever choice I make is the wrong one and I will never find peace and happiness because of him.

[FoxC]

Hi,

Welcome to the board... I can relate to you. Don't know how old are you, but I'm too an adult, still living with my BPD mom, I figured that I'm so emotionally dependent on her... .I didn't have many friends throughout my childhood and now I find myself with zero ZERO friends, even for a cup of coffee, that's sad. She would always critique my friends to the point where I'd start to believe her and start to volunteer in fading out my connections. Unfortunately my belief in her side of version was so strong, I didn't always notice it wasn't real. There were also some quite strong anger reactions towards some of my friends (especially when romance came along) that scared the hell out of me and left me with nothing but fear obligation and guilt. And if some time ago I had some little inner capacity to make friends, I've lost it all.

Now when I make some connections, especially with a potential romance, I hide it. Because I know if I told, I would have to deal with a lot of critique and I'm tired of this. I'm not yet strong enough to protect my interests. Sadly, this is how I found myself in a really dysfunctional relationship with a BPD guy that I felt in love with. My BPD mom had no clue. If we didn't make it to a real couple, it's because I was already aware I'm dealing with BPD people and that I need to work with myself, and ALSO because I was afraid of my BPD mom figuring out. That's sad. Really really sad all of this stuff.

Good news... .I'm willing to change... .And I guess so are you, because you are here. I figure I need to work on myself, figure witch of my relationships/friendships are healthy and if they mostly are... then stand for it. Will need a lot of learning to figure out how... but it's worth it. My mother and your father needs their own lives to live, we need to live ours. Good luck, my friend. 

[daughterf222]

Hi, FoxC. I am surprised to see there is someone else out there with a similar story to my own. All these years I never realized the way my dad has been acting could actually be BPD. I have been reading stories about others and the traits someone with BPD has and it hits the nail right on the head of what I have been going through.

I am 27 years old and my situation is very complicated. I didn't go into much detail in my first post, but up until a year ago I lived with my mom and dad because I wasn't able to financially support myself. The way my dad has been acting just keeps getting worse. My mom finally left him last year after they have been together for 32 years because she couldn't take it anymore.

So, I am currently living with my mom, but my dad still has me under his thumb. We live close by to him, and if he thinks we are communicating with the people he hates he will stalk us to see if we are with those people. Things have gotten so bad to the point where he was in jail because of what his anger caused him to do, and he has never been involved with the law. It has gotten to the point where my mom and me are afraid of him and we don't know what he is capable of doing because of how unstable he is.

You are absolutely right, your mom and my dad need to live their own lives and let us live ours. My dad is really struggling with issues about himself, and I hope he realizes it soon and can find peace within himself. I worry about him constantly because he lives alone and has a lot of health issues.

I pray the difficult decision I am making will help me to find the peace and happiness I have been searching for for so many years.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Good luck to you, as well.