so ive been told my ex has BPD, but I'm not convinced

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Im in the process of divorcing my wife of 17 years... .
Its pretty painful but cant say more so than the past 17 years.

While there were good days, mostly it was a day to day struggle of her trying to control my mood, opinions and accusing me ( though never directly ) of cheating - which I never did

I'm as loyal as can be. But some how she tired me completely out.

We had twins 10 years ago and I guess the stress and work of raising them hid some of her strange behaviors.  We are both from very large families so as we brought these 2 beautiful babies into the world, she coerced me into agreeing with her that no one besides adults should HOLD either baby... .sure no problem except that we had over 6 teen age nieces that could have helped us out.

The mood swings became worse after the kids were born - mornings were the worse, would she be a good witch or a bad witch? slamming cabinet doors, saying she didnt sleep well, and complaint after complaint... .then go out for a ciggie and come back in all happy as tho the last 15 minutes never happened.

Never apologetic after any behavior that hurt... .

2 therapists that I saw during my and after my marriage said BPD but I 'm not sure

the kids are with her 2/3 and with me 1/3 - I work and she does not ( I moved out 2 years ago )
I carried babies but none of that matters... she is more important because I do not protect them... .

I let them play outside with their friends from the neighborhood. I let them play video games ( evil )

anyway, I hope to read about other folks issues to see if there is any connection... .

thanks for listening

[disappearing ink]

Im in the process of divorcing my wife of 17 years... .
Its pretty painful but cant say more so than the past 17 years.

While there were good days, mostly it was a day to day struggle of her trying to control my mood, opinions and accusing me ( though never directly ) of cheating - which I never did

I'm as loyal as can be. But some how she tired me completely out.

We had twins 10 years ago and I guess the stress and work of raising them hid some of her strange behaviors.  We are both from very large families so as we brought these 2 beautiful babies into the world, she coerced me into agreeing with her that no one besides adults should HOLD either baby... .sure no problem except that we had over 6 teen age nieces that could have helped us out.

The mood swings became worse after the kids were born - mornings were the worse, would she be a good witch or a bad witch? slamming cabinet doors, saying she didnt sleep well, and complaint after complaint... .then go out for a ciggie and come back in all happy as tho the last 15 minutes never happened.

Never apologetic after any behavior that hurt... .

2 therapists that I saw during my and after my marriage said BPD but I 'm not sure

the kids are with her 2/3 and with me 1/3 - I work and she does not ( I moved out 2 years ago )
I carried babies but none of that matters... she is more important because I do not protect them... .

I let them play outside with their friends from the neighborhood. I let them play video games ( evil )

anyway, I hope to read about other folks issues to see if there is any connection... .

thanks for listening

[livednlearned]

Hi disappearing ink,

Welcome and hello 

I'm sorry you were beaten down in your marriage, and had to go through the pain and suffering of a difficult divorce.

How are the kids doing post-divorce? What is their relationship like with you, and with your ex?

What are some of the behaviors that are most challenging as coparents?

Glad you found the site. It's a lot easier to walk this path with others who have been there.

LnL

[takingandsending]

Hey disappearing ink. Welcome to bpdfamily.

I truly understand how your role in raising your twins is diminished, never happened. And, yes, with my uBPDxw, all screen time is evil, and I likewise allow my S12 and S6 to spend too much time with their peers. It's pretty par for the course, which is hard on the kids. If you were and are actively involved in your kids' lives, i.e. take them to activities, attend meetings with their teachers at school, etc., do you think that 30% time is sufficient? It might be a whole lot better for your kids if they had more time with you, especially if you can provide a validating, safe environment for them.

What are your thoughts on your 1/3 parent time? How are your children faring?