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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Made a decision, timeframe set, now what?  (Read 603 times)
Smileypants
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart since April 2018, divorced since November 2018
Posts: 100



« on: November 20, 2017, 04:27:52 PM »

   
I have made the decision to move on.  The relationship with my BPDh is not going to improve and my children and I are suffering through it. 
As I make my plans to have him leave (the house is my father's) I would love to have some input of things to remember, pointers, etc.  Also any tips to protect my two youngest daughters 6yrs & 2yrs (the only children that are biologically his).
Thanks!
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ForeverDad
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18389


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2017, 04:55:29 PM »

I don't know the laws of your state but some require you to file for more than just divorce, you may need to file to have the home declared your residence, requiring him to move out, at least until later in the divorce process.

Do you have a lawyer?  Is he a proactive, problem solving and experienced one as strongly suggested in Bill Eddy's SPLITTING handbook?  Most of us needed far more than a simple attorney who files forms and holds hands.

Ponder what possessions and documents need preserving.  In divorces the emotions run high and stuff is likely to go missing.  Birth certificates, passports, account records, passwords, titles, deeds and other documents.  Also, your personal photos and mementos.  Don't do it all in one day for the items sitting out in the house, he may notice.  Remember too, you're not hiding, snatching or whatever, you're preserving.  If he gets upset about it solutions can always be negotiated later in the divorce process.  Photos can be duplicated and paperwork copied.

Edit... .So he has an ex who is making allegations?  Whether they have any basis in reality is one thing but this can spill over into your parenting and that is a proper concern for you.  If I may ask, how many are his alone, how many are yours alone and how many do you two share?
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Smileypants
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart since April 2018, divorced since November 2018
Posts: 100



« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2017, 07:29:40 PM »

I have a really good family law attorney and a probate attorney that handles my father's estate.  The house and most of the items in it are my fathers (deceased).
My BPDh can't really do much on his own even though he acts like he does everything & takes credit for most everything.
His children don't live with us.  I have 3 of my own and we have 2 together.
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Smileypants
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart since April 2018, divorced since November 2018
Posts: 100



« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2017, 07:31:18 PM »

He has 3 children from a previous marriage.  Two of them are adults now and the other lives with her mother.
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