How do I stop having a relationship with our d

[mggt]

Hi All,  Having bad day just another one with bp daughter.  It has been years upon years of dealing with her lies , accusations, physical and verbal abuse taking us to court accusing me of beating her  her whole life .  We have 2 gc which we adore and love and babysit weekly.  She has kept them away from us for almost a year in the past .  Right now we see them but dealing with d is impossible  it is consant complaining from her constant poor choices in guys constant car accidents constant  .  She uses those chidren as pawns has been doing this since day one and continues to do so.  The main problem is I dont like her .  She has no scrupples , lies to us on a daily basis and if we dare say anything she starts swearing , screaming , yelling it is absolutely impossible and all of this is done in front of her children .  She should have never had children and I dont see this changing as far as her capability to be a good mom or role model.  .  I am sick to my stomach how do I say to her I just cant be around you  your mean your vicsious your spiteful your hateful you use your children against us you chase wrong men you verbally abuse us you use us . She is toxic  to me right now I do not see one redeeming quality in her .  How do I do it .  I love her but god forgive me she should have never had children and watching this on a daily basis is driving me insane.  I hate this disease .  Thats the end of my rant .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

I’m sorry mggt

It sounds unbearable and no wonder you’re at your wits end

I don’t have gc and goodness knows if/when they come life’s going to be far more difficult. You’re doing the very best you can and there’s no doubt about that.

For what it’s worth I remember saying that I couldn’t think of one redeeming feature in my DS. I too didn’t like him. I relate to what you say, I loved him but just couldn’t like him.  Somehow, with better boundaries and limits and skills, we found a way forwards for us all. As I got control over my situation (not his) things got calmer and slowly (and I mean inching forward sentence by sentence over many many months) he relaxed and started to share. Underneath I found a young man that I could relate to in some ways. I get that your situation is complex and so very painful. I know it’s not fair and you shouldn’t have to put up with abuse especially in front of the gc. This is not doing anybody any good.

Forgive me, I can’t remember if you’ve got other family or friends supporting you?

How often do you have contact with your daughter?

What’s happening tomorrow? You plan on see the Gc?

My heart goes out to you.

LP
 

[mggt]

Thank you LP,  She just stopped by to drop gs off for a while.  She called before with rants screaming swearing all while gs was in car with her told her to drop him off.  She is just absolutely manic .  Screaming swearing blaming us  meanwhile we of course had nothing to do with her problem  (always created by her).  Tried and tried and asked her to stop screaming and cursing in front of gs . 
We are suppose to see her on xmas day god willing .  She is just so disturbed it breaks my heart and scares the living life out of me . Very good news on your son so happy to hear good news for a change lets hope soon this site will no longer be needed    O.K. Im in denial   Have a merry xmas happy chanukak happy quanza happy evertyhing and excuse my spelling   

[Lollypop]

scares the living life out of me .

And most probably your grandkids too by the sounds of it. The time they get with you is most probably the only time they feel heard and I can see how important that is for them and of course you. I guess if you try to introduce a limit your daughter will stop you seeing the grandkids again. Is that what happened last time?

I hope you have a great day and enjoy those grandkids.

Hugs

LP