4 more days

[Hyacinth Bucket]

4 more days until my husband and I go on vacation to a tropical paradise. Our DD20 had a meltdown last weekend and ended up checking herself into the hospital when we wouldn't let her come stay with us. I think she was really mad at us for a couple of days but is over it now. We are going up  tomorrow (she lives an hour away) to help her get her apartment in order.  She let's it get so disgusting she refuses to stay there. It's not quite at that point but I got her some furniture for Christmas so I told her we'd set that up while she cleans. And my beautiful wonderful amazing best friend (basically her aunt) invited her to fly out and visit for 5 days for Christmas,  while we are gone. So we don't have to worry about her being alone on Chistmas. And she'll be somewhere safe and very supportive.

We will be gone 2 weeks! We postponed this anniversary trip earlier this year when she was arrested so it's vital for us (and boundaries with her) that we take it. Today she told me that she wants us to send her lots of photos so I think she is hopefully over feeling abandoned, especially since she gets to go on a trip of her own to visit someone she really looks up to and totally adores.

Feeling hopeful that we can have a fairly relaxing trip!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi hyacinth

It sounds like you’ve managed to really problem solve! The fact that you were firm about getting these two weeks away this year is the key. Life has to go on and be enjoyed despite the problems.

I used to call my DS when we went away. I wanted to check up on my dogs and also to reach out to him, make sure he was ok. I can’t say whether or not the contact helped him very much or me. This was before diagnosis. It was tricky as he didn’t want to be with us but did at the same time.

Now I have a sort of plan in my head about if, when and how I contact him when we go away. Sometimes when we go away I don’t contact him at all (over a weekend or a few days). One thing is for sure, if he’s having a problem he’ll try and contact me! How I react to that when I’m away is important.

Have a wonderful time and I hope your daughter has a warm and happy time herself to help your own trip go swimmingly. Forward planning can help this happen .

Happy holidays! I can feel your excitement from here!

LP

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Thank you,  LP! Much appreciated.  Happy holidays to you as well!

[1hope]

Hyacinth,
You must be so excited!  I hope you have a wonderful time! 

If you don't mind me asking, I was wondering how you told your DD about your trip.  We have planned a trip for March Break (our first without our DD18).   We will be taking our son (who still lives at home).  Our daughter moved out suddenly in September, and is supposed to be going to school or working in March, but... .

We have talked to our therapist about it, and she suggested that we wait a bit, and hopefully she will have a job.  Then we can reinforce that we are not abandoning her, and realize that she has obligations at home.  We plan to contact her when we are away too.   

Hoping you have some pointers for me!  Again, enjoy your holiday!  We need to take care of ourselves too!

1hope

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi 1Hope,


We started talking to our daughter about our trip many months prior. It was for our anniversary so we tried to reinforce that it was us celebrating our love for each other. She did still have a meltdown prior to us leaving but it was relatively minor. I too had hoped she'd have a job by the time we left, but nope!

Perhaps you could plan something much smaller with just your daughter prior to leaving? A special day trip or something?

[1hope]

Good idea!  Thanks!  I hope you enjoyed your time away!