Parental Alienation

[I_Am_The_Fire]

I think I just need to vent a bit. It's Christmas. I picked up my kids from their dad's house this morning (we've been divorced for over a year now). Everything seemed fine. Later on, my oldest (D12) mentioned the post she made on Facebook over the weekend that she missed me and couldn't wait to see me on Christmas morning. I replied to her post that I missed her too and couldn't wait to see her. I also sent her a text to her that I had seen her post, missed her too, and couldn't wait to see her. She told me she didn't remember seeing my Facebook reply but saw my text to her. So we looked on her phone and on her Facebook timeline. The post was gone. So was ALL of my texts to her. The look on her face about broke my heart. She looked so sad and was about to cry. She's new to Facebook and doesn't know how to delete posts quite yet. I also know she wouldn't delete all of my texts to her. The only person we know of that could have done it is her father. He's the one who insisted she have a Facebook account despite my objections.

He's BPD/NPD. We had a very high conflict divorce and he's been barely civil to me ever since then. I feel very upset about this and am trying to not cry. I told her that we know what we saw and that the posts were there as were the texts. That it's okay to feel how you feel. That we can choose to have a great time together now that we are back together. We had a good talk about it. I made sure I didn't say anything bad about him as hard as it was. I did send him a message about it. I doubt he'll reply. If he does, I'm pretty sure he'll either deny it or justify it as he usually does. In the past, he has complained that the kids like me "more". I tried to explain to him it's not a competition. I don't think he gets it, per his BPD and whatever. I think this damaged her relationship with him. I'm fairly certain he'll blame me for that too as he seems to do with pretty much everything.

I'm not sure how to deal with this or how to process it. He is who he is and I doubt he will ever change. It just seems like a really low thing to do even for him. He does tend to live in the moment and doesn't think things through. It just sucks. In the future, when I see her posts to me, I'll be sure to save them via screenshots and such. Same with the texts. I'm documenting it. Still sucks.

[lolli]

Hey Fire, I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. I wanted to mention that there's an app I've used to back up text messages by sending them to my email. I'm sure there are others out there, but the one I've used and had success with is SMS Backup+.  Hope this helps in some small way. I wish you all the best.

[I_Am_The_Fire]

Thanks!